Sock Hops, Stomps & Friday Night Dances

pretty-in-pink-prom-dress-molly-ringwald

By Gabrielle.

Can we talk high school dances for a minute? Apparently, they are disappearing. Or have already disappeared when I wasn’t looking.

I grew-up in a town, St. George, Utah, that had a whole lot of dances. There were big school dances almost every month, with titles like Homecoming, Sadie Hawkins, Senior Ball, Preference, Junior Prom, and it seems like a couple of others that I’m not remembering.

These were not dances that you went stag to. They were date dances. Two were specifically girls-choice (Sadie Hawkins and Preference), and though it wasn’t stated, the rest were assumed to be boys-choice. For each of those dances there was usually a royalty — Prom King & Queen, Most Preferred, etc. — nominated and voted on by the student body.

Tickets to these dances were bought ahead of time and the events were usually held off-site in a heavily decorated space (though once in awhile they were held in a heavily decorated school gym). There was always a portrait photographer at these big dances (ours was my friend Jill’s mom, Jackie Andrus), and it was traditional to get a photo with your date, plus a photo of your group (if you went with a group of couples). In fact, I have a whole high-school photo album that is nothing but photos from these dances.

These big dances were also usually accompanied by big invitations. Something clever or funny, or something that made a big statement. You couldn’t just ask someone to the dance, there pressure to make a big deal of it. The dress code for the boys-choice dances was formal (that’s a lot of fancy dresses or tux rentals required in one year!). Preference was semi-formal, and Sadies was matching shirts.

But those were just one category of dances. A more frequent category was Friday Night Dances. They weren’t really called that, they were just called dances. (As in, “Should we go to the dance after the game on Friday?”) And they didn’t require a date. You could definitely show up solo, though it was most common to show up with a group of friends.

These dances were held in the school gym, and there was a DJ (ours was named Paul Hancock, and the song he played to test the speakers before the dance was “Boys Don’t Cry” by the Cure). Sometimes they were held following a school football game or basketball game, and sometimes they were just because. In my memory they happened a couple of times a month, though that seems like a lot, so maybe I’m remembering wrong. To enter the dance it was like $2 at the door; you didn’t need tickets ahead of time.

There was no photographer, no decorations. The dress code was casual — mostly kids just wore school clothes. The whole thing was very simple, and I much preferred these regular dances to the big ones — I never loved the stress of wondering if I would have a date, or having to ask one.

A third category of dances in my hometown were church dances. They were rare — maybe quarterly — and were basically the same format as a casual Friday night dance. But they were free, and the DJ had to be more careful about what he played. There was always a big one in the summer and a big one on New Year’s Eve, but otherwise, I don’t remember church dances much at all.

Ben Blair’s high school was similar. He grew up about 4 hours from me in Provo, Utah and says he had a similar calendar of big dances and more casual ones. He says his high school called the Friday night dances Stomps.

Here in Oakland, from what I can tell my kids’ high school holds only two dances. Homecoming in the fall and Prom in the spring. Both are formal affairs. Both require tickets ahead of time. Asking a date is common, but you can also show up with friends.

There are no casual Friday night dances. The school doesn’t host anything like that. And I assumed that was just how it was done here. But then, a couple of weeks ago, my dear friend Robyn was in town. She still lives in St. George, and she was here visiting with her teens and they started talking about school dances.

Turns out at her kids’ high school, they still have the big monthly dances — with dates and fancy dresses and decorations and photos and clever invitations. But they don’t have Friday night dances anymore. At all.

I was so surprised! No casual dances? Where did they go? What happened? When did they fade away? Were dances an 80’s/90’s thing? Or was it just my town?

So now I’m wondering, is this true everywhere? Are casual Friday night dances a thing of the past? And what about big prom-type dances — how often does the high school in your town host a big dance? I always felt like monthly was too much, but maybe it’s common in other places too. What was the dance scene like for you when you were in high school? I’m so curious. I can’t wait to read your responses!

P.S. — Maybe I’ll go track down my Dance Photo Album and see if there’s a good pic to add to the post. : )

P.P.S. — When I was growing up, our town had two high schools, and both had similar dance calendars. If there wasn’t a Friday night dance at our school, we knew there was probably one at the other high school across town, and it wasn’t unusual to go to dances at both schools.

P.P.S. — Pretty in Pink turns 30 this week. Remember the homemade prom dress? Did you love it or hate it? (I loved it!)

55 thoughts on “Sock Hops, Stomps & Friday Night Dances”

  1. I’m intrigued. I’m around your age – I think a few years older, and we did not have these Friday night dances in New Orleans. Or at least at my school. We had only the fancy dances – homecoming every year, ring dance junior year (to celebrate getting our class rings), and prom senior year.

  2. In South Carolina 20 years ago, prom was the one and only dance. It was a huge deal, maybe too huge. I lived for church dances because there were few Mormons and my best friend lived an hour away.

  3. I went to high school in southern California in the late 90’s. The school sponsored two formal dances per year. (The monthly formals common in Utah sound so very stressful and expensive to me!) We also had occasional Friday night dances at school. I remember going to one or two my freshman year, but by my senior year they had gotten so lewd that almost no one went to them, which is really saying something with the relatively permissive standards in southern California. In fact, I would frequently see “cool” non-LDS kids at the LDS dances that were held once a month and required Sunday dress.

    1. I left teaching high school about 10 years ago, and the lewdness of the dances and the constant policing made them no fun for anyone. I think the sexualization of a lot of the dancing just made things really different and it was easier to phase them out as they became harder to staff and harder to attract students.

  4. We only had 3 dances: Homecoming, Winter formal around Valentine’s Day (treated like a Sadie Hawkin’s girl’s choice dance), and Prom for Juniors and Seniors. I went to Homecoming every year and Prom my senior year (I was working my junior year). I don’t remember going to Winter formal, but I might have once.

  5. Yes! We had Friday night dances after football games (in Atlanta, GA). I completely forgot about them until you brought it up. It’s a shame kids don’t have something like this today.

    1. I am from Atlanta, GA too and I graduated HS in 04. We didn’t have weekly Friday night dances but we had a pretty fair amount, especially after football games in HS. Those were less fancy. We had homecoming, fancy sort of but mainly short dresses, and homecoming dance and court (homecoming Queen, etc) in the fall and prom in the spring. No prom queen or anything. Prom was super formal. There were some sort of non school sanctioned Sadie Hawkins esque dances but that was more based off where you lived and were not at the school.

      1. I’m from Atlanta, attended a private school, and we only had homecoming and prom. There was a homecoming court with king and queen but I don’t think there was for prom. I graduated in ’94 but I think this was the experience for all my siblings (youngest just graduated in ’14).

  6. I’m Canadian, so have Grad at the end of the year for graduates and their dates, and some high schools used to have seasonal school dances that were casual, school clothes kind of affairs. However, when I was younger, in junior high, I was friends with a group of awesome athletic beautiful cool girls who just happened to be Mormon, and I would tag along to the Saturday night dances at the Mormon church. It was $2 and either monthly or bi-weekly. It was fun and cool and open to all as long as we behaved according to the set standard, which was very clear. They were such a great outing for kids who were otherwise at such an awkward age.

    1. I’m Canadian too and grew up in Ontario in the 1970s and it was just as Andrea described — a formal grad dance where you usually went as a couple and it was held in a convention centre or hotel and a couple of casual dances held at the school. My husband’s school was the same.

      My three kids went to high school within the past ten years and it was just the same number of dances as in my day. The only difference was that they held the dances at school during school hours. My kids didn’t like the dances at all and wouldn’t go. You could only get out of class, though, if you bought a ticket ($5) so they would buy a ticket that they referred to as their “get out of jail free” ticket.

      I’m so surprised to read how many dances you had Gabbie and how much effort/pressure there was for the formal dances. I have never heard of having a king/queen at each one and having to think of a clever way to ask your date. So much pressure.

  7. Homeschooled. No dances. One of the only parts of traditional high school I wish I’d been able to be a part of.

    As a public high school teacher now, though, I would speculate that one of the reasons that many schools are doing away with dances, especially the casual ones, is that club-style dancing has become so widespread, in media and in practice. Many of the moves are not school-appropriate AT ALL and then it becomes a miserable job to chaperone the dances and constantly break up kids grinding on the dance floor. I wonder if a conservative area like Utah doesn’t have as much of a problem with it as other states…..

  8. I grew up in Orange County and we had the Friday Night Causal dances. I don’t think they were every Friday though. I agree with you, they were much more fun than those fussy formal one. My son graduated a few years ago and his high school never had any Casual Dances either. Too bad.

  9. My 15 year old attended a casual dance last Friday, held in the “quad”-an open space in the middle of the classroom maze. There was a difference from my days as an alumni-a pat down at the entrance by security and the local P.D. had a few officers at the entrance along with security. I loved the casual dances as well in my day-this was the first dance for my son and he had a lot of fun. The dj had a couple trivia questions and gave out prizes like crazy hats they sell at amusement parks, which my son won. I’m saddened to hear so many folks are saying the dances are becoming an activity of yesteryear. Love the blog, and I also thought the dress was perfect!

  10. I loved dances! I have an older brother and remember being SO excited to go to high school so that I could go to dances. My best friend and I were invited to homecoming by seniors when we were freshmen, which took a lot of negotiation with my parents before I was allowed to say yes. I felt so cool!
    We had a few casual Friday dances each school year – the best one being held outside in September in the “Indian Summer” climate of my hometown. We also had a few date dances: homecoming, Prom (for juniors and seniors) and “tolo” (girls invited boys). No idea if those still happen back in good ol’ Yakima, WA.

  11. Another high school teacher here. Unfortunately, I think it’s accurate that dancing just became so raunchy that these dances had to go. The other issue is that in the late 80s/early 90s our social life took place in person. Those dances meant we could all hang out together. Now kids are in constant touch electronically and the getting together part just seems less important.

  12. I graduated from high school in Orange County in 2005, and we had Homecoming (dress in costumes according to the theme), Sadies (casual), Winter Formal, and Prom (formal, and the only one that was just for Juniors and Seniors, though I know a lot of schools do a Seniors-only prom) as the major dances. I think there was a casual back to school dance after the first football game of the year, and a couple other casual, themed ones that ASB would decide to throw throughout the year (one of them was Jersey Jam and it was sports themed) but that was about it.

    1. Is ASB a California term? That’s what it was called at my high school but whenever I make reference to it, no one knows what I’m talking about.

  13. It’s so funny that you mention this because my sophomore just mentioned the other day how there’s only two dances this year (homecoming and senior prom). He has no interest in either but there were more dances last year. But I went to high school in Heber City (UT) and we had dances all the time, like you did in St. George. I’m guessing I’m about your age so it was probably the same time. Seems like all the casual Friday night dances were each sponsored by a club or team as a way to have a fundraiser too. I have plenty of dance photos too! I’m sad to see this as a dying thing, but I can understand why based on the other comments on here too. :(

  14. I grew up in 80’s southern CA… similar to your experience in Utah. My kids in school now (Utah) have a few dances, but my older kids said the casual dances were not appropriate so they stop going and my younger child never went. The dancing became too sexualized, the formal dances seemed to be a little better. But my kids much rather go for a hike with Friends, watch movies, out for food, school plays, big group video games, and just hang out. Dances can be too much to navigate, but they have been to homecoming and prom. Their favorite part was dressing up and going out to dinner with friends.

  15. Wow, that seems like a crazy number of dances! Also, I always thought Sadie Hawkins was a myth! :) At my high school (Oklahoma, late 90s), we had a beginning of school year dance (was it even a dance? It was super casual, whatever it was), homecoming, and prom. My kids are little, so I don’t know the culture here (Dallas suburb), except that homecoming is a Big Deal.

  16. Also a Utah grad here. There were big dances every month in my high school, each, or most, was a fundraiser for a club, like I remember the Halloween dance was put on by the theater department. One of the things I liked about it was since there were so many dances, that at least among my friends and me, it wasn’t a big deal if you didn’t get asked to prom. I didn’t get asked to junior prom or the homecoming dance my senior year and I never felt bad. My high school also divided evenly between girls choice and boys choice dances.

  17. Oh, I thought the Pretty in Pink dress was *hideous* – a sack!

    I grew up in Alaska, in high school in the mid-late 90s, and dances were pretty rare. Maybe once a quarter, including homecoming and prom.

  18. Ohhh, I loved this! I was not a fan of that dress when I saw the movie but i loved all the vintage featured. I so wanted to be Molly Ringwald in high school. There was so much angst! We dropped our son off at his first 9th grade dance a couple of weeks ago so we could go to the new parents BBQ and 5 minutes in we got a text reading “pick me up, nothing is happening here.” We laughed so hard. We remembered those times a young teens. We did pick him up after a while after we got to know a few parents. Now, homecoming is coming up! He is showing no interest so we won’t push it.

  19. So interesting. Class of 96 in Fort Worth Texas. We had casual dances after football games but I think they were becoming less popular. Then we had two big dances. Prom and homecoming. There was absolutely no crazy dance invitations. My first year at BYU I thought the practice was a little too intense. Ha. I did attend church dances during that time. They were held once a month for our stake (group of several church congregations in the same general geographical location). We could go to 3 a month if we were willing to drive to further locations.

  20. I grew up in Pleasanton, graduated from Amador Valley in 2004 (20 minutes from Oakland). We live in Pleasanton again, and upon checking the school’s website, nothing has changed. They still do casual dances on Friday nights, and then the big homecoming (located on campus) and junior prom/senior ball (located in SF usually). We didn’t ever have Preference- we had Sadie Hawkins, which is casual and matchy-matchy! Ha. We would buy or make matching T-shirts for you and your date. And we got creative with invites! Also…maybe a northern Utah thing, but I’ve heard of day dates before going to the dance that night. We didn’t do that here, but we definitely go out after. Usually a family hosts everyone after the dance- sometimes with breakfast food, or an ice cream bar or something. And we all watch a movie. It’s the one night none of us had a curfew! And we all wore out outfits to church the next day (not sure if that’s common?) -hair and all! (Usually still plastered with hairspray from the night before).
    What has changed is church dances around here. When I was growing up we had a regional dance every Saturday night- in Livermore, Danville, concord, and then sometimes Pleasanton. They were great! We went at least once a month. Now they are much less often. I helped chaperone at Danville a couple of years ago (and met Maude!) the cutest!) and lots of kids were there, so I’m not quite sure why they have gone down in frequency.

  21. I was just telling my teenage kids about the casual dances in the gym we had in high school! Those were my favorite because everyone just danced and had fun, no worries about dates or clothes or anything. I graduated from a suburban Northern California high school in 1989. My kids are at a different NorCal high school, and one problem for them is the school doesn’t have a gym large enough to accommodate a school-wide dance. Dances are off-campus and so cost much more to hold.

  22. Growing up in Central Florida, attending dances in the late 90s was a mixture of southern culture and public school culture. Beginning in middle school, we had cotillions, issued by invitation by some of the upper-middle-class families in the area. That happened once or twice a year from middle school onwards. It was semi-formal, and was implemented to teach good manners/introduction of how to relate to the opposite sex. After middle school came the high school dances: every year for every grade there was the Homecoming Dance, and there was also a formal Junior and Senior Prom. You were allowed to attend as a Freshman and Sophomore if asked an upperclassman. It was all formal: sparkling gowns and rented tuxes, the guy had to work up the courage to ask, and gift you with a corsage (often involved asking the color of your dress)…you had to provide a boutonniere. There was often a ‘pre-party’ at someone’s parents’ house with picture-taking of the group of couples attending, a ‘pre-dinner’ which the guy paid for his date (along with the expensive tickets…the dance was often at a hotel.) All in all, a very expensive night for most high school students. Often groups even rented a limo to take them from the pre-party to dinner to the hotel dance and then sometimes even home again! We also had smaller dances hosted by various clubs at school, but the older I got, the grosser the dancing became, and soon it was clear that no one wanted to go but the usual ‘clubbers’ in high school. Looking back, I’m sure it was super uncomfortable for chaperones and teachers to try to control that mess. I loved the earlier days of cotillion, or the sock-hop type of dances in my younger years! I wish they would tame the music down and make some light rules about appropriate behavior. I think it would make teenagers much more likely to attend these things.

  23. Same! Now that I have teenagers, this subject comes up often. We had 3 formal dances each year, one semi-formal and tons of Friday night dances. We moved recently and ournnew HS has exactly one formal dance: prom. You have to be a Junior or Senior, or have a date who is. Our previous school only had 2, but there were 2 additional dances hosted by community groups, but were exclusive and invite-only, so many students don’t attend any at all.
    My favorites were the casual dances. Show up, dance and hang out! My kids think the idea sounds cool but nobody is up for it. Gone by the wayside. Thought it was just where we lived!

  24. Like someone mentioned, in SoCal we had Homecoming, Winter Formal, and Prom. I also attended the Navy Ball, which was hosted by the ROTC at my school. My friends and I and our dates would always go together and they were some of my fondest memories as a high schooler. Homecoming was always held at a local amusement park, with a rented ballroom attached. Winter Formal and Prom were more “fancy”; my senior year it was held at a horse racetrack (???) and feat. Blackjack tables and Texas Hold ‘Em as well as a karaoke floor.

  25. I graduated from high school in 2012, so more recently. We had at least 3 big dances each year in high school. The first was Homecoming, held in the fall and connected to our big football game. Although it was a “big” dance, it was semi-formal, which is our rural town meant the girls got very dressed up in nice dresses (usually short), and most of the guys wore jeans and a button-up. Some people went with dates, but many people didn’t, and it was held in our high school gym. Then we always had prom in the spring, though only juniors and seniors go. This was definitely formal- really fancy dresses for girls and tuxes for the guys. I think I went to prom right about when it was becoming more normal to go without a date, though many people had dates, even if it was just a friend. I went with a group of friends my junior year (technically, my best friend and I “shared” a date), and a group of friends with a guy friend as my “date”. Then there was at least one more dance each year in our high school gym- Snow Ball (in December), Mardi Gras Dance, Sweetheart Dance (Valentine’s Day), etc. These were more casual, though girls usually still got dressed up, just not as fancy.

    In middle school, we had the “Friday Night Dances” once a month- they weren’t just dances, as there was also free gym, volleyball, basketball, and bored games, as well as a snack bar, but there was one half of a gym devoted to a dance with a DJ. We paid a small amount, and they were very casual- jeans and a tee or something similar. As far as I know, the middle school still does these, and they were and are very popular.

  26. I went to an American school overseas and we had maybe 3-4 dances a year. I never loved them but always went. Our prom was a big deal. It was typically held (due to our location in London) in some historic house from the 16 century or something. We were like “no big deal”, but now looking back it was truely an experience! My junior year it was on a party boat on the Thames that docked right in front of Big Ben! (wow!).

  27. Pamela Balabuszko-Reay

    I was laughing last night because I was in a car full of 40 somethings on our way home from a ridiculous 80’s cotillion at Betty Danger’s in Minneapolis. Everyone was in 80’s clothes. From huge puffy sleeve dresses to preppies dragging golf clubs around to Madonna style to exercise clothes with leg warmers. Someone in the car had just said ‘You need to Pretty in Pink that dress.” Then I pulled up your blog. HA!

    I’m turning 50. In my High School there were 3 dances a year. Homecoming, Turnabout (girls ask boys,) and Prom. No-one did anything fancy in asking the other. You just asked. If you didn’t have a date you did not go. Period. Long Gunny Sack dresses and feathered hair.

    Now the asking has to be a huge deal. The level of excess is over the top with luxury busses (some with stripper poles), parents going to multiple locations to take pictures paparazzi-style. Professional make-up and up-do stylists. Huge amounts of money spent. Honestly-what do these kids have to look forward to later in life when things are this over the top now. Yep-I’m old.

    1. Pamela, thank you for the gunnysack memory! (How could I almost forget?) I agree, things are so over-the-top and too expensive, and yeah, harder to top later in life. I guess I’m old, too! ;-)

  28. I’m 35 and I remember monthly junior high dances, but only 2 big dances a year at the high school level. I hated the dances. As someone who was a bit shy and not at all popular with boys, they were just stressful and not something I enjoyed. I’m all for dances becoming less popular. I think there are other fun and social activities that can be planned for young people that don’t put such an emphasis on needing dates and coupling up.

  29. I went to high school in Michigan and Illinois. We had Friday night dances and 2 semi formal and 1 prom every year (prom only for jr/sr years). My kids are in high school in IL now and they have homecoming, turnabout (like Sadie Hawkins) and prom, no friday dances although they did have 3 or 4 of those in middle school every year. Many kids go to the dances sans dates now. It is nice that you can still go to prom even if you don’t have a date.

  30. I went to a Catholic high school in the Bay Area in the 80s-we had 3 formal dances a year-you absolutely had to have a date, it was tuxes and long dresses, and they were at other venues besides school (country clubs, and the proms were always at a SF Nob Hill hotel.) We also had several dances a year that were just on Friday or Saturday night-casual dress and you went with your group of friends. My teens attend a large public school in SoCal. Their high school has very few dances-and only 2 of these a year are held off-site. It seems a lot more casual, you can go with a date or with a group of friends. My daughter went to her winter formal and proms but never went to the school dances. My son appears to have NO interest in either!

  31. I think risk, liability and lewdness (as another poster mentioned) have resulted in many schools curtailing regular school dances. As well … my sister is a high school teacher who has worked in 3 local districts over the years. She says unless the Principal makes it a “requirement” it is really hard to get teachers to agree to chaperone dances and we’re talking just Homecoming and Prom. When she started there would just be a small handful of teachers acting as chaperones, now they want about 1 teacher for every 20-30 kids attending. Last year at Prom she had a young lady pass out in her lap after getting sick from the effects of alcohol (consumed prior to the event), oy!

    One other comment .. my niece is now 21 and the most recent high school graduate in our family. Even 3-6 years ago the whole asking someone to Homecoming or Prom, the clothes and the pre-and-post dance events were a big deal and that translated to lots of $$$. Just this week a FB friend said her son and a group of his friends had rented a house in ritzy part of town for Homecoming weekend. Really?

    Bz

  32. I grew up in rural Minnesota (and a teen in the early 90’s) and we only had about three dances a year, Homecoming, Prom and one random one. I’ve never heard of Friday night dances, but they sound fun.

  33. Great topic!

    I live in the same small NJ town I grew up in. Back in the 80’s we had casual, seasonal Friday night dances in the gym or cafeteria at our public junior high and high school, plus a more formal one at the end of 8th grade, and a junior and senior prom, both held off site. They were all pretty well attended and a memorable part of my older school years.

    The (now) middle school has one semi-formal, date-optional dance in the gym at the end of eighth grade. I had to convince my son to go last year! It’s my daughter’s turn this year, and I’m sure she’ll be willing. Our high school still has junior and senior proms, but I think regular dances are a thing of the past…

    When I taught middle school nearby fifteen years ago, they had activity nights that were part dance on one side of the cafeteria, and tables, snacks, and board games on other half. They eventually cancelled them all due to costs and inappropriate behavior. Bummer.

    Would love to see some of your old photos!

    1. (Ugh, some of my grammar above…typing on my phone!!)

      I also want to add that my niece and nephew went to a K-8 Catholic school outside of Philadelphia (they’re freshmen in high school now) and had dances at their own or other nearby parishes every Friday night. It was the thing to do and they loved it. I believe their respective high schools have formals and proms, also.

  34. I grew up in a then small suburb of Portland, Oregon and now wine country and we had formal dances as you described…although not monthly. We had homecoming, winter formal, Sadie Hawkins, May Day and Prom. These were all fancy dress up, with photographer but only Prom was held offsite and in downtown Portland. The rest were still at the school but decorated up a ton! We also had the Friday night dances although I am pretty sure they were only in the fall after home football games. Maybe there were some
    In the winter after home basketball games too…I can’t remember! These were fun, low pressure and wildly popular! For sure a highlight of my high school years. Such a bummer these have fallen by the wayside.

  35. I grew up in a small town in PA in the 80’s (graduated in 89). We had homecoming, a winter semi-formal, and prom. I don’t think we had any other dances, but then again, I didn’t go to them. There could have been some I just didn’t pay attention to.

    My daughter’s high school does homecoming (which is Prom Lite, but held at the school) and prom (offsite). That’s it for dances. The middle school does monthly dances, sometimes with the other middle schools that will combine for high school, and sometimes just for the school. Those are pretty casual.

    I remember really hating the prom dress (and all of her clothes, really) in Pretty in Pink. It hasn’t improved with time. Part of the problem was dressing a redhead in so much pink. Molly Ringwald is beautiful and charismatic in the film, but pink doesn’t flatter her.

  36. So ironic the timing of this post! Just this week my h.s. Junior came home upset that his school cancelled the homecoming dance in favor of a bonfire, with the mention that it may be the “new direction” they continue with in the following years, due to attendance. Wow! We have a large high school (3000ish students) and only one other dance (Senior Prom). This makes me feel like dances are becoming extinct!!! As a high-schooler in the 90s, we had 2 major dances (homecoming and prom) but also periodic dances related to a fundraiser or certain club. That seems “historic” now. Social just doesn’t have the same meaning it did 20 years ago. Casual is the new formal. Boooooo.

  37. I went to a private, all-girls high school in Maryland.. We had something similar to those casual Friday night dances – but they were called “mixers.” They were always hosted by one of the private boys’schools and they were open to anyone, from any other school (including public/co-ed). I think they still have them now, but my son is only 6 so I haven’t paid much attention to the middle/high school social scene yet :)

    1. Also, I wanted to add – at an all-girls school, every dance is a Sadie Hawkins dance! We had a Fall Dance, Christmas Dance, Spring Dance – all hosted by different clubs. And then there was Ring Dance (junior year), Senior Prom, and a post-graduation dance (hosted by senior class parents). I think that was it. We all asked our own dates (from other schools) or went with friends. When I graduated in 1998, things weren’t progressive enough to allow for same-sex couples…I wonder if (and hope that) things have changed.

  38. I graduated in 2000 in Texas, and the only BIG one was prom (also the only one with fancy, fancy dress). Now Homecoming is a big deal too, and they both require a big to-do for asking someone (not the case in my day). I remember a few others in hs too – Halloween, and I’m sure Valentine’s Day, but no one really went to those. Def no Friday night casual dances. We had “pasture parties” or occasional house parties after games, where more illicit activity could happen, haha.

  39. I went to middle school/high school in the late 90’s/early 2000’s in northeast Ohio. In high school, we basically had Homecoming and Prom, both formal, you’d only really go with a date type of events. We always had a Homecoming King/Queen, but not a Prom King/Queen. I have no idea why. Toward the end of high school we started doing a Valentine’s Day date auction and a dance along with it, and that was more casual. Homecoming/Valentine’s Day dances were always in the school gym; prom was traditionally offsite at the ballroom in our local university. There was no sort of casual dances otherwise. All of these had DJs.

    However, we had lots of casual dances in middle school. The school would host them a few times a year (maybe 4?), in the gym, and you went with friends even if you were meeting your bf/gf there. I remember wearing plaid flannel shirts, jeans, and matching scrunchies on our wrists to the first dance I attended in 6th grade. In middle school, there was also the option of “The Belfry”. This was a dance held every friday night of the school year at the Methodist church in town. It was like $5 to get in and they sold snacks, pop, pizza, etc. I remember it was a pretty big deal to get your “Belfry Card” which was like a laminated ID that said you had permission to be there, etc. There was one big dark room where the DJ/music and dancing went on, and then out in the hallways you could mingle, play chess (I think?) and table hockey, etc. Many kids I knew made it a goal never to miss a Belfry for all 3 years of middle school! I acually think you were allowed to go to the Belfry for at least 9th grade, but no one I knew ever went. There were definitely no “dates” for the Belfry, although it was a big deal to be asked to dance a slow dance; sometimes you would have a guy who always asked you to dance at the Belfry, but who you never even talked to at school otherwise! Two songs that were ALWAYS played and danced to at the Belfry were: “Come on Ride the Train”, “Hey Mickey!” Going to the Belfry was a huge right of passage in my hometown; I’ve heard they discontinued it a few years back, which makes me sad! It was a good clean way to have fun on a Friday night in a town where there wasnt much else to do.

  40. growing up in NYC, we hardly had any dances. but i remember wishing we did. i couldn’t wait for prom, and i got to go to two because my bf at the time went to a different school. i loooved prom. it was at some big hall in south street seaport, followed by a cruise going around manhattan (supposedly because they didn’t want us having wild after parties of our own, hah!). i went to the “fame” high school and a lot of people really got creative with their attire and the dancing was exactly what you would expect from a group of artsy kid. it was fantastic. my little sister also ended up going to my high school but didn’t go to her prom, because in her own words “nobody goes to those things.” i was so sad to hear that!

  41. I went to high school in Oakland in the 80s, and my experience was like your kids – dances were not a thing, at all. We did have parties though, at private houses (usually when somebody’s parents were out of town!)

  42. I was in middle school and high school from the mid-90s to the early 00s.
    In middle school we had probably 4 or 5 dances over the course of the school year. It seemed like they were usually tied to holidays: a Halloween dance, a Valentine’s Day dance, etc. They were always held right after school, as in the bell would ring at 3:30 and everyone would head to the cafeteria, where they had dimmed the lights and had a DJ. I don’t remember there being much in the way of decorations, and we didn’t really dress up. You might wear a slightly dressier shirt or a sun dress, but definitely nothing formal or semi-formal. It was very rare for anybody to go with a date, and at 6:00 our parents would come and drive us home.

    In high school we had two dances: Homecoming in the fall and Prom in the spring. Both were a big deal. Homecoming was for everyone. Juniors were in charge of hosting Prom for the seniors (coming up with the theme, paying to rent the space, decorating, etc.), so Prom was definitely just an upperclassman thing. Sophomores and freshmen could only go if they were invited as an upperclassman’s date, so it was rare. The dances were always held at hotels or rental halls (my junior prom was in an old train station, which was cool!). Homecoming was semi-formal and prom was formal. Most people went with dates, but you could go with a group of friends, and there definitely weren’t big “prom-posals” like you see on the internet these days.
    My junior year the school tried to start a third dance, a winter formal held right before the holiday break. That never really took off, though. Attendance was half what it was for the other two dances, and I’m fairly sure they stopped trying to do it altogether a few years after my class graduated.

    While school dances weren’t frequent, I grew up in a community where almost everyone had quinceaneras, so the year when all of your girlfriends turned 15 could be very busy with formal dance parties. I was in several (it’s very similar to being a bridesmaid), and attended several more.
    There’s a large Jewish population where I live now, so I bet my children will have a similar experience but with bar and bat mitzvahs instead of quinceaneras.

  43. Wow, that was a lot of dancing at your school!

    In Australia the school Formal (our version of a prom) is held once a year and usually only for 11th and/or 12th grade students. You don’t need to go with a date – which was a good thing in the small town that I grew up in as there were about four times as many girls in the senior years as boys! Everyone gets dressed up and there are formal photos etc but no over the top decorations like proms on American TV shows. There usually isn’t a king and queen either.

    When I was growing up we also had school socials once a term (there are 4 terms in a school year). These were usually restricted to high school students (8th to 12th grade). These were more like a disco, so no date or fancy clothes required. My school did usually have a dress up theme though so there were often crazy costumes. I’m not sure if this is something that still happens in schools in Australia.

    Oh, and I never realised that Homecoming and Prom were two different things! I thought they were the same event. What’s the difference? And what exactly does Homecoming mean?

  44. Growing up in the early-mid 80’s in rural upstate NY, we had many dances – from very casual to very formal, sometimes with student bands. Most dances were held in our cafeteria with minimal decorations and high student turn out.

    Now I live in rural Colorado, and my son’s middle/high school has very few dances. Only middle school dances are held on school property or sponsored by the school. Most of this is due to the school having to monitor drug & alcohol use at the event and find staff or parents willing to chaperone. My son’s friends won’t go, so now he won’t go either and he really enjoyed going!

  45. Growing up in Halifax, Canada we had regular (monthly-ish) school dances (of the casual variety which was usually a video dance (all the rage in the 90s)) and then Prom at the end of the year (late-June) between exams and graduation which was just for the graduating class and their dates.

    Now there are “teen dances” at the local rec centre and no casual school dances at all – but still prom. Schools seem to be so scared of liability – or maybe it’s just not worth the trouble.

    Also my first exposure to “promposals” or crazy dance invites was watching Napoleon Dynamite, definitely not a thing here.

  46. Grew up in the bay area…a few (maybe 4 ) big dances held by the school a year…and then there used to be church dances every single weekend…they would rotate between 4 stakes (so if you were willing to drive out to Antioch or all the way to danville you could go every week) …we would usually go about 2 -3 weeks a month (overlook & walnut creek always, sometimes danville or Antioch)…it was so much fun and often provided as a jumping off point for the rest of the night (usually involved swimming or going to in &out).. I’ve heard the bay area stakes just do 1 dance a month now…that’s really too bad. They were always informal…sometimes outside on the summer.

  47. I live in British Columbia, Canada and have three teenage daughters, two in middle school and one in high school. The two youngest go to the same school and while the school does hold dances, they are usually at lunch in the gym and my daughters (who are quite shy and not big on crowds or lots of noise) don’t seem to have any interest in attending them. My oldest daughter on the hand frequently attends both her schools dance and a handful of others in the district. Most high schools here seem to hold about four dances a year, Halloween (casual/costumes in the school gym), winter formal (fancy dresses, dates, pretty venue), a Spring Fling (casual in the school gym), and a grad dance (only for grads and those invited by grads). Most of the schools seem to hold similar dances, but tend to hold them all on different nights so students can attend ones at multiple schools. Last year around Halloween I think my daughter went to around six dances over the course of two weeks. According to my daughter all these dances are a pretty big deal, with most of the student body attending and lots of thought but into attire. Im surprised this isn’t the norm!

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