Sex Ed

Fun fact: I didn’t know what the basic mechanics of sex were until I was a senior in high school. (That didn’t stop me from lots of making out. : ) My kids on the other hand, they know more facts and terms associated with sex than I did at 20 years old!

No doubt influenced by our own lack of knowledge as kids, we gave our oldest 3 the birds and bees discussion when they were fairly young — ages 8-9. And we’ve been pleased with how the conversations have happened. We plan to continue the pattern with our youngest 3.

I get asked pretty frequently by fellow parents how we’ve handled the sex talk with our kids (I’m sure you get asked too. It’s one of those recurring parenting topics.) In a future post, I’m happy to share how we approach the discussion and what has worked for us. But today I’d love to know:

What was your experience as a kid? Did your parents give you the talk? Mom, Dad or both? Do you remember how old you were when you figured it out?

P.S. — The belly shot is me pregnant with Baby June, taken by the talented Tracey Clark.

129 thoughts on “Sex Ed”

  1. Any sort of official sex ed was in school. I recall some creepy, hand-drawn overhead transparencies in middle school health . . . My parents? Not so much. My mom’s advice boiled down to: “Keep you underwear on at all times and you will be fine.” Right . . .

  2. I got the ‘talk’ when I was 6, only because my older sisters were also getting the talk so my mother included me. I only comprehended what I could, a lot didn’t make sense to me. I remember thinking “why would anyone want to do that?!” Haha.

    I did like that if I had any questions about anything, my mother would answer it and never made me feel stupid or inappropriate.

  3. I was raised Unitarian and at that time they offered a course in Sunday school for 7th and 8th graders that was called About Your Sexuality. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/About_Your_Sexuality

    The teacher was my friend’s father and the assistant teacher was another woman in the church. Both of them were very open and comfortable with themselves. Some of my closest friends were in the course and we had a lot of fun. It was lightyears better than any sex-ed class that I had in school. I do not remember my parents telling me anything really; I guess they assumed that AYS covered all of the bases. And really, it did.

  4. There was nothing but sexual information subterfuge in my early life. At age 6 while watching Summer of ’49 with my mother one night I was prompted to ask my mother what a condom was. For years after I believed it was a water balloon you throw off roofs onto your friends heads.

    At 7 while reading my mom’s Cosmopolitan I became curious about the Female Orgasm. I determined never to have a “small seizure” myself. And I didn’t until the rather sad age of 30.

    It’s always the mothers…

  5. my parents never talked to us about sex. & i wasnt allowed to go to the sex talk in junior high or highschool!! thanksfully i met a wonderful man who knew a whole lot more than me :) i’m grateful opposites attract! & i’m glad i have 3 older sisters who talked fairly openly about girl stuff & a lil about intimacy. my husband is the youngest of 7 & they were pretty open about everything! i dont plan on shunning my children from what they should know! & i’m sure my hubs will help me with that!

  6. At about age 8 my mom pulled out the encyclopedia with pics of the human anatomy and went over the basics. It was all great and good, except for the fact that my dad was eating dinner with his back to us the whole time, purposefully avoiding the conversation. I felt like (and still to this day) feel like I can’t talk to my dad about anything personal or serious. I’d like for my husband to be involved in the conversation when the time comes with my kids.

  7. I asked my mom when I was in the first grade. really short conversation that left me very concerned. I am one hundred percent interested in hearing about how to do it better – it’s definitely a concern of mine.

  8. My mom is nurse is was always comfortable conversations about the body.. I don’t remember much only the book she read to me was, Where do” babies come from?” I have heard that you do not remember of how they told you have did a good job…. not sure if that is true??? I first child is 8 1/2yrs a son. I would love any feedback would be great! I was trying to read it as since is he a boy then really he is emotional 7yrs old… I am thinking this summer is going to be the time….. and do you do with mom and dad?? or just dad? Thanks!

  9. I was 11 YO. I remember because my mom chose the hyper-hormonal, milestone moment of the day I got my little gift from Mother Nature. Talk about terrible timing, in my opinion. The conversation was awkward and unnatural. She used official terms, like Fallopian tubes and egg. It was horrible. I cried and I asked her to stop. She did. We never talked about it again.

  10. I never got “the talk” from my parents. Just that it was something I shouldn’t do til I was married. I thought sex was a swear word until sixth grade. I learned everything from junior high health class. My parents never even gave me the Santa Claus talk. Ha ha. I’m going to be more upfront with my kids for sure.

    1. One funny story I remember is when I was little I was asking what a virgin was because of the Virgin Mary. I don’t remember what my parents told me but they obviously weren’t clear because after I said “So I’m not a virgin” and my dad said “You better be!” My brothers were laughing really hard and my question never got answered.

  11. We just had this conversation at home with our 8 year old, prompted by something she heard from a friend at school. I did not have this talk with my mom until I was in 7th grade. I look forward to hearing how you present this topic to your children. This is a really important subject and a worthwhile discussion for parents to have with one another. Thank you for raising this…

  12. My parents handed me a book and told me to read it and come to them with any questions. I can’t remember how old I was, except that I was embarrassed reading the book (it had cartoon pictures of a naked man and woman), and too embarrassed to go back to them with questions. And that was the end of that!

  13. Off topic but my 4 yr. old grand daughter recently ask her mom how babies got out of their moms tummy. My daughter explained in simple terms and my grand daughter replied “I’m getting my babies at the orphanage!”

  14. Can you please give more information (detailed) on what you told your children. We are wayyyyy too late, and need to do this asap.

  15. I have not yet read all the previous comments – but as soon as my own little procreations (is that a word?) are in bed, I am going to. We are just about to “go for it” on this subject, with our oldest (4th grade). :>

    I am a Protestant from a small midwestern town. I am also the oldest of all girls. My mom took me to the city park (I remember the exact swing we sat on) the summer before 4th grade, and talked to me. It was 300% perfect and if I can just channel her with my own girls, I will be very happy. :> I don’t remember exactly all she said – I know I was mostly repulsed by the idea of a period – but she gave enough information, but not too much. There were no scare tactics or anything like that – she made it sound wonderful and loving and planned from above and absolutely SOMETHING I WAS NOT TO DO UNTIL I WAS MARRIED. :>

    My poor husband, on the other hand, was told by a “bad boy” in second grade that the boy peed inside the girl, and that is where babies came from. No kidding. Of course his dad cleared it up for him, but still. I hope I (or my husband in our son’s case) get to them before someone else does!

    We plan to each singly address our children of the same gender.

  16. My mother still refers to our anatomical parts as Muffins and Wingy Wangy(s). Still. I was the oldest of 2 girls. I learned from a video at school and talking with friends and books as I grew older.
    I have 4 kids now- 13,9,8, and 2 and I’m a nurse. So thank goodness I have evolved. I try not to give them too much information. Also, I talked to all 3 about a small aspect once together and it turned into a giggle session- so I would advise against that.
    Keep it factual, simple, and that it is a gift of affection between a husband and wife. When they ask about unmarried adults or friends they know who are active, I just politely say that is not what I desire for myself or them, but that I trust they will respect themselves and be responsible.
    My husband has also talked to our son about respecting a girl’s gift/purity. He is only 9, but has already planted the seed.

  17. I give the sex talk each year, I am a teacher. It makes me really happy that parents are going to talk to their kids about this at an early age. I have a lot of high school students who do not hear about any of this in their own home and the only adult that talks to them about this is me. I truly believe that we would have a whole lot less babies having babies if more parents took a few moments to pass on their beliefs and expectations about this aspect of life. I have learned from my students that they actually do want to talk to their parents about this.

  18. So interesting to read all these comments – my first is still a baby but I supposed we’ll be thinking about how to approach these topics in no time!
    My parents never really talked to me about sex. When I was in middle school (maybe 5th grade or so) my mom took me to the pediatrician and didn’t go in with me – it was the first time she’d ever stayed in the waiting room and I remember being confused and a little scared. When the doctor came in he just asked me all sorts of mortifying (to me at the time) questions about if I knew what sex was and understood pregnancy, etc, etc. I was so uncomfortable and weirded out!!
    I’m now in my mid-30’s and feel anxious anytime I see a doctor, I’m quite certain it’s related to that experience still haunting me.
    Ugh – obviously I’ll use a different tactic!

  19. I’m a fan of talking with them honestly at a young age and when they’re still young enough that they’ll probe with questions. Books help too. In my mind there’s no one talk but many, many informal conversation.

    If you google Mary Flo Ridley, she has some great information, books and videos that might be helpful to someone looking for where to start talking about such things.

  20. I learned around the birds and the bees when i was ten. My doctor decided it was time to give me an extensive talk since i hadn’t let my mom do it before then. After that he just updated me each year, where as my mom told my brother and sister.

    My aunt has a system where her daughter can ask her questions. Based on the level of seriousness, my aunt will either answer them, or have her write it down in her notebook and address it when she feels her daughter is old enough.

    As of now, i’m only 16, but when i have kids i’d rather be open with them about it. I don’t want them to be freaked out, or forced to hear it from their doctor in such technical terms. I agree with some other answers, i will address their questions when they ask, but only go far enough to satisfy them. No matter what, my kids won’t go into middle school wondering what things mean. I know for a fact things are worse that way.

  21. My mom read me a body book when I was young…not just about sex, but all parts of the body. So I learned about privates when I learned about knees and ankles and toes. So, I don’t really remember not knowing how babies were made. That doesn’t mean that I knew all the in’s and out’s of what sex is and the meaning behind it; that came later.

    I do appreciate how my mom approached the subject when I was young. It’s a part of life and it’s important. It wasn’t until later that we had the talk about the emotional side of sex and what it mean to me as a person and a woman. She would take cues from shows I had watched or books or questions I had. I agree that because sex is a part of life, it must be talked about in regards to a lot of different aspects of our lives. We didn’t talk about sex all the time; nor did we talk about it none of the time. In fact, when I was much older, she made it clear how important it was that I and my partner knew what we were doing because “it makes all the difference in the world.” Now that I’m 28 years old and pregnant with twins, we talk about sex in completely different ways. Not in gross ways, and not too graphic, but it’s nice to have someone older, with more experience that I can talk to about that stuff.

  22. My mother was fairly open but age appropriate. when i will very little and asked about where babies came from she said they came from mommys and daddys who love each other very much, then as I got older she described more how mommy and daddy would make the baby in mommys tummy etc. I dont remember ever having a big talk with my parents as it was an open ongoing discussion. around the age of 11 my mom did sit me down for a talk about menstruation and what that was how it was for making babies when i got older and what I should expect. When I got my first boyfriend she told me not to feel pressured and that she would feel wrong if I had sex before she had (age 17) and that I should wait for the right person and not feel pressured etc. I once said I was going to wait till marriage and she said she thought that was a bad idea, but it was up to me.
    I have never felt any embarrassment about sex or talking about it with my mother because she has always been so open. My mother knew when I went on the pill and when I first had sex. She would ask how things were going to make sure that I was happy and not pressured etc. She still knows about my sex life even though I am married and have a child of my own, and I know about hers as well.
    I just hope that my daughter can be so open and comfortable with me.

  23. I’m #4 of 9 children, and my twin brother (#3) and I had the opportunity to watch our mom give birth to one of our younger brothers. We were 10 when he was born and the morning of his birth, before we left for the hospital, my parents sat us both down and told us what we’d be witnessing. Then they told us about the birds and the bees, and the importance of abstinence from an eternal perspective. I don’t remember it in too much detail (the sex talk) but I remember feeling like it all made sense and I was grateful for the knowledge. That experience was one I am SO grateful for, and I felt like it was the perfect age. I, however, will probably be teaching my kids earlier. The world has changed a lot, and I’d rather they learn from me and their dad vs their peers at school!

  24. Hi Gabby,

    I was just wondering how, as a Mormon, you discuss sex with your children. I’m not Mormon but I am taking a class on it (yes, a class called “Mormonism”!). Its so interesting…I’ve been reading design blogs for a couple years now, so undoubtedly I have come across my fair share of bloggers who are Mormon! The class has really given me a new perspective on the lives of the women I read about online- but to be completely honest, the blogs I read bring just as much perspective into the classroom!

    Oh, how I’ve gotten off topic. My original question was, since Mormons believe in abstaining from sex until marriage, how does that influence the way you talk to your kids about sex? If your children aren’t going to be sexually active until they get married, why have you and your husband already chosen to talk about sex with your kids?

    As a disclaimer: I have absolutely no judgement on any of these answers. I understand that these questions might be too personal- if that is the case, I completely understand if you do not wish to answer. I am not a mother, nor a Mormon, just a curious 20-year-old college undergrad.

    If any other women- Mormon or not- have anything to add I would love your opinion!

    1. Hannah, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me as an LDS woman, I would choose to have this talk with my kids as early as I think they would understand it–mostly because of the things I know I was exposed to at a surprisingly young age, and with the prevalence of sex in movies, TV, and the internet, I want to have the talk with my kids before they are coming across it in the media, or being exposed to it through their friends (or their friends’ older siblings, which is part of how I got my earliest exposure to “sex ed”).

      1. I do think personal views influence “how” we talk about sex with our kids. My son’s school let us opt out of having him attend a three part discussion on sex, all the different kinds of sex and sex partners. I found the amount of detail they planned to include was too much information, too soon for a third grader. But I agree with Sarah and did feel it was time for him to start to understand the basics. I don’t want my children learning everything from school, TV & movies. While I hope my children will choose to wait until marriage, they still need to start learning it is wonderful in the right time and place. They can only get that kind of information from me. Avoiding the discussion altogether doesn’t seem to improve their chances they will choose abstinence.

        As a kid I watched NOVA’s “Miracle of Life” in school. When my son’s school offered their course, I rented it from Netflix and watched it with him. He had a lot of good questions and a lot of detailed questions. Most shocking was “When is the last time you and Dad had sex?”. I tried the “some things are personal and we don’t share” response, but he didn’t give up. I eventually answered “yes” to the question, “Have you had sex in the last month”!

        Later I showed the same video to my daughter and she did not want to discuss it at all. I respected that. I am hopeful we can eventually talk comfortably. It has been good for me to read the entries from the women who had mom’s who were too open and made them uncomfortable. I need to continue to be careful with my daughter. Thank you!

    2. Hannah, this is a great question! I’m an LDS mom of 6 kids ages 15-2, and I truly hope that each my children wait until they’re married to have sex. But, I believe that in order to do that, my children need to first understand that we are all sexual beings, and that while it’s definitely “normal” to want to have sex, we can CHOOSE to wait to experience those things in a marriage partnership that is supportive and healthy. My oldest daughter is just about to start dating, and I’ve been talking to her for years about the many reasons she might want to abstain from sex (from stds to pregnancy, etc). Now that she’s beginning to experience new feelings about it all — not so grossed out by it anymore :) our discussions have shifted as I answer her questions about the emotional side of it. I’ve had widely varying discussions with each of my children as they have questions because I want them to know that I believe sex is a wonderful and amazing part of a healthy marriage relationship — and in a way that also helps them understand part of the reason we’re thrilled to have such a large family.

      My reasons for teaching my children this way is because I was very sheltered by my own mother whose method of teaching this idea was to convince me that sex was “bad” and the ultimate reason I should stay away from it. As a teenager, I didn’t understand the slang that was used at school by both boys and girls, and I was embarrassed by the fact that I was very naive about sex. Then, the night before I got married my mom sat me down to actually talk about my upcoming wedding night. I was totally mortified by her explanation and I further found it extremely difficult to shift my own thinking from “sex is bad” to “sex is great!” overnight. I NEVER want my children to experience that in their own relationships, so that is the reason I’ve tried to help them understand that sex is a normal, amazing part of a healthy relationship between people who are married :)

      As for your question about why I would teach these things if they’re not going to have sex before marriage, it’s because I really believe that we have to make informed decisions, and if I give my children no information, then they are left wondering what a good decision is. In this way, I hope to give them the information they need and want, and to instill in them a desire to wait until they’re ready for marriage.

      1. Thank you so much to everyone who replied, for taking the time to answer my questions, and answering them so well articulated and detailed! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it!

        I don’t have kids, so I approach this subject (undoubtedly) with a different perspective than any mother, LDS or non-LDS. That being said, I am at an age where most of the people my age are having sex, and I think it is great- no, fantastic- that all of you are discussing, or even attempting to discuss, this subject with your children, even if they don’t plan on becoming sexually active until they are married.

        As a kid, I don’t have a specific recollection of my parents giving me “the talk” but I do know that they talked about it with me several times. In all honesty, it was always awkward and I hated it. However, what I DID get out of it was the facts, good and bad, and therefore I think it was worth it.

    3. The women who have already responded to your question have said so much of what I would say, too. My son is just one year old but I have already discussed with my husband how we will approach this topic when the time comes.

      This summer I had an assignment to give a lesson at church on the law of chastity. I had present in front of 20-30 women from age 18 to age 70+ about our beliefs regarding sex. I have to say I was a little intimidated about what to say. I really appreciated the direction the manual gave on how to approach children about sex. The advice to parents is going to be my guide as I talk to my kids.

      You can check out what the manual says here:
      http://lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-39-the-law-of-chastity?lang=eng

  25. Oh my gosh. Frankly, I learned everything from my best (gay, though I didn’t know it at the time) friend down the street. Then, when “Family Life” (the Catholic program where they wedge sex education in between chapters on obeying your parents and being nice to your siblings) came up in 5th grade, they made us take worksheets home to do with our parents. I thought I would DIE of embarrassment.

  26. I don’t remember the exact age but I do remember I was young…like maybe 8 or so and my best friend and I would read that classic book her parents gave her “Where Did I Come From?”. My mother tried to explain menstruation to me once but I remember tuning her out, I was so embarrassed. Sex ed was part of our regular phys ed classes by the time I was in grade 5, complete with graphic movies (my best friend had to leave the class to throw up after watching a birthing video! ha). We just assumed that all kids our age learned when we did and it never seemed like a big deal til we were much much older.

  27. My parents didn’t say a word about it until I was 17 and my dad(!) sat me down. I stopped him pretty quickly and said, “Uh, Dad, I’m 17. I know.” He was flustered and embarrassed and said, “Okay, uh, do you have any questions?” Just to antagonize him, I answered, “Yeah, what’s an orgasm?” My engineer father went beet red and mumbled something about “maximal level of human pleasure” and that was that.

  28. There was some show on TV in the 80’s we were watching where the subject was brought to mind. My mom, not a let’s-talk-about-deep-stuff kind of person, said, “Gary (my dad), you tell them!” My dad then took me and my younger sister to the other room and explained things. At the end of the discussion, my sister and I said in unison, “gross!!!” and fled the room in disgust and a new opinion of our parents. Ugh. At age 6, I liked the story of the watermelon seed that my uncle Dave told me my aunt had swallowed. I don’t think I really believed it at the time, but it worked for a 6 year old’s imagination and curiosity.

  29. My mom told me at 9, because that’s what age my aunt was when she got her period and thought she was dying because they never got the talk back in the day.

    My mother was very, very open about discussing sex and always told me “if you’re not mature enough to tell me and get on the pill then you’re not mature enough to be having sex.” I’m from a long line of teenage unplanned pregnancies (um, we’re not Mormon, in case you’re wondering. haha), so Mom put the fear in me for sure, but I broke the cycle! Too bad she kind of turned me into a manhater, but….oh well.

  30. Gosh. My mom was pretty open, but I didn’t really ask that many questions, but it was helpful when mom of friend got unexpectedly preggers when we were 11, and we got to see the whole “results” part, and discussing the baby’s growth I think gave us a clearer picture of the anatomy parts. That being said, I did have a big argument with our other friend Ginny, one time, over a reading of the “How Did I Get Here?” book — I was on the wrong side of the argument, asserting that OF COURSE you couldn’t MOVE during sex: you were attached! But she trotted out that book and proved me wrong — evidently whatever you did when you were attached made you tired, “like after jumping rope!” So. Clearly I was fuzzy on the detials.

  31. I love that you’re having these conversations so early. I think it really makes a difference. My mom had the talk with my sister and me fairly young and I felt better prepared going into Sex Ed in school. That whole concept can be so embarrassing in Junior High.

  32. I am from Germany and we had a cartoon book flying around, called “Peter, Ida und Minimum” (no English Translation unfortunately) about a family with two kids that is expecting another baby.
    It was explaining all the biological and social background facts about having a baby. Since this book was just flying around it feels like i always knew where babies are coming from and never had “the talk”.
    i remember my mom was reading the book with us but it also had a lot of pictures and i have no idea since when we had it, i have very early memories and this book has always been there.
    i find it a funny thought, that there can be a certain age when you learn about it, for me it was like, where does milk come from or how do you tie a shoe lace.

  33. Best movie would be: Into The Blue Lagoon
    It’s natural, innocent, pure and really well done. After that you really don’t have to say that much except fill in the science when they are interested or when it’s a good time :)

  34. The extent of the sex talk for me was my parents sitting me and my two sisters down and my Dad saying something like, “Don’t do it. Wait until marriage. You’ll get pregnant and ruin your life. Or get AIDS. Just don’t do it.” My mom added, “You will regret it for the rest of your life. Sex is horrible!” Needless to say my sisters and I were terrified and embarrassed! Thankfully, our older siblings set us straight, but for a while, I was very confused and scared.

    Needless to say, I will be taking a different approach with my children.

  35. My mom wasn’t happy with how the school handled the sex ed talk with my brother’s class (one year older than me) so when it was my turn in 6th grade she had me stay home and she checked out the filmstrip from the LA City Schools and showed it to me herself. I remember my youngest brother banging on the closed kitchen door and saying, “I know you’re in there talking about innertube.”

  36. I was a second grader when I asked my mom about sex, and she promptly accused me of “trying to embarrass” her and refused to talk about it. As a result, I learned like most kids in my neighborhood did — by getting misinformation from older kids and guessing at the rest of it while playing with Barbies. For years, I thought the more sex you had, the more pregnant you got. Whenever I saw someone in late pregnancy I’d think to myself, “wow, she’s been busy.”
    My almost-5-year-old has had a few questions since her little brother was born, but so far they’ve all been about how the baby gets out of the tummy, not how he gets in. Whew! But still — when she does ask, I hope I can strike the balance of giving her the information she’s looking for but not overwhelming her with things she may not be ready to know yet.
    We always use the real words for body parts.
    Funny story – after I told her how the baby gets out, my daughter said, “Wow, that’s the worst work ever.” I replied that it can be hard work but it’s all worth it because you end up with a baby, and she said, “No, I mean for the doctor!” :)

  37. My parents told me when I was really young. Like 4 or 5? Maybe younger. I asked where babies came from and they told me everything. The definitely focused more on the growing baby in the tummy then the logistics of how it got in there but I knew from a young age & never felt uncomfortable asking them questions when stuff came up at school. They were just SUPER open. I think having a good long talk with them at 8 is a great time. Unfortunately kids keep learning things younger, and younger these days.

  38. Prefer not to say!

    One comment: make sure to cover physical developmental milestones before they happen. When I got my period (in the late fifth grade) I was traumatized. I thought I was dying. When mom explained this is a normal, healthy sign of growing up I felt that my childhood was taken out from underneath me. I did not want to be a woman, but wanted to be a little girl !

  39. I think my mom may have tried but her generalities never got through to me. I was like you in that I did not understand the mechanics till I was nearly out of my teens. I was engaged at age 19 and honestly did not understand the insinuation when, as a joke, I bought a condom out of a gas station vending machine and gave it to my fiancee. On the little box it said “No Calorie Dessert” and I had no concept of what that meant. I thought the fact that my soon to be husband turned beet red was kinda endearing but now that I understand the connotation, I am mortified that I did that!!

  40. I never had much of a talk with my parents, they just gave me a book to read. And on the day they had the maturation talk at school, my mom let me go to SkateWorld with my cousins instead… at the time I thought that was awesome. But now, I wish she had at least had some discussions with me about it.

    My husband and I read the book “How to Talk to Your Child About Sex” by Linda and Richard Eyre (suggested to me by my sister with older kids) and it talks about having a special talk at 8 and making it really special and even taking them out to dinner. It really emphasizes being really positive and discussing how amazing and awesome that sex is and that it’s a miracle that that’s how babies are made. And what a special thing it is for a husband and wife to share and reasons why you might want to save such an awesome and amazing thing for just one special person when you fall in love and get married and want to start a family. It also suggests using the book, “Where Did I Come From,” by Peter Mayle.

    Last week we just had this “8” year old discussion with our son and it went really well and we were very open and honest about everything and he thought it was really great. And as the book reinforces, this is just the beginning of many, many more discussions to come (and it gives lots of help on how to have those discussions and what to say- it’s a great book!). When your kids are 8 years old, they are old enough to understand and be mature enough to know that it’s something special, but not too old where they are embarrassed to talk about it and ask questions. I hope this opens the discussion where he can continue to feel comfortable asking me questions and coming to me and my husband for advice. I think it’s good for both parents to be involved in the discussion.

    . . . I am a Mormon mom with 3 boys and 1 on the way. :)

  41. Interesting topic – a friend told me when I was around 6. I can’t imagine not knowing until the end of high school! But my parents never monitored what I watched or read (obviously I can see the downsides of that approach, but that’s just how they are) or sent me to bed when the TV programmes started getting steamier, so I knew a lot pretty early on. And you know what? No STIs, no unplanned pregnancies, no teenage over-sexualisation, in fact no regretable sexual experiences full stop. (Also no awkward conversation with my parents, as they comfortably knew I knew. And believe me, with my parents it really would have been awkward!)

    Which I guess shows that a little bit of information never hurt anyone, and that knowing these things doesn’t take away your childhood or anything like that.

  42. I know I’m late to this, but I’ve always been proud of how my parents handled this, and from a glance over past comments, it seems pretty rare.

    I was never sat down for an official “talk.” Instead, they shared simply & openly ‘along the way.’ They were to-the-point and down to earth about it all and I never felt weird or awkward about it. I vaguely remember this including small explanations when I was very young—mostly my mom answering my question about what the box of tampons was, leading to what a period means, that the egg is the beginning of the process, leading to a phrase I’ll never forget about the mom and dad “joining their bodies.” It feels a little odd now as I write it, but what impresses me is that I never sensed it was taboo, while at the same time didn’t openly talk about it with other kids. They covered the basics, and so the only thing new by the time it came up in school was the logistics of STDs, contraceptives, etc.

    I consider it a great balance and have absolutely no idea how to recreate it with my own family (I have just one, almost 1), but it has been a nice example to consider.

  43. Just came across this, newish reader to your blog… more frequently I should say… anyway, can you point me to the followup post on this? I’d love to read how you did so as I have an almost 4 yr old.

    My parents didn’t really focus at all on teaching us. I think my mom has a hard time talking seriously about sex in the first place, makes her uncomfortable. hah. I am more open. I think it would have been nice to have that feeling that I could be open with my parents. Sex was something I was afraid of throughout school so at least I didn’t do the opposite and start doing it when I was 12 or so and gotten in a bad state such as pregnancy or and STD. But it still left me out in the open when I was a teen and even in to my 20’s. The only real education I got was more centered on your period: 5th grade – and that was intriguing from someone who came to our school and we got a box of different tampon / pad types and brands to check out. Which I was highly amused with. But no sex talk really. And then sex ed in middle school and HS but really more about reproduction, not the actual act of sex as a real human being. hah. So I have always felt lacking. I also think it’s important to bring it up with families who have religious beliefs that center seemingly so many rules of do’s and don’ts about sex… I mean, I didn’t understand what mastubation was, etc.

    I wouldn’t want my children to feel this way at all. My mom was our main go-to parent and is my best buddy but she definitely dropped out in this area. My dad and I just really didn’t get along and he’s not a guy of great words anyway. I feel bad for my mom because I also think she grew up with a lack of background on this and choices she could have made.

    Anyway, this is an awesome topic. I think that also the whole “being naked around your kids” topic is a good one too. There are many varied views on this….

    ok so anyway, can you point me to the second post if you did do it? Thanks! I pinned this in my “Parenting” board and would like to add the other to that. :) m.

  44. Please update this with a post about what you guys do! The “talk” is fast approaching in our house of girls and I need some more ammo! :) Thanks!

  45. Fortunately, my parents were determined that I would not feel shame about my body or my natural, human desires. They never let any religious doctrines “teach” (brainwash) me into believing that masturbation or a healthy sex life are sinful or bad in any way. Rather, they taught me what is normal and human – completely devoid of dogma. They knew that the Bible was written by humans and that the existence of God can be neither proven nor disproven – it’s simply not possible. FACT. I love that I was raised to love my body and the self-pleasure that it is capable of. I’ve never caused anyone any harm by having orgasms! I feel very sorry for children who are raised in a household that teaches them to feel ashamed of themselves. My children are being raised to be completely comfortable with their bodies and their desires. Of course, respect of their partner and responsibility to their health and well-being are fundamentally important, simply in terms of basic human rights. You don’t have to believe in God or religious dogma to be an ethical and kindhearted person. In fact, religion often gets in the way of being ethical and kindhearted.

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