My Side of the Bed

Night Light by Objects of Affection

By Gabrielle. Nightlight available on Etsy.

Ben Blair is in France this week, and I have the hardest time falling asleep without him. I basically just end up staying awake until my body forcibly shuts my brain down. But I started sleeping on his side of the bed a couple of nights ago and it seems to be helping. His pillow carries his scent, and I think it’s comforting me.

It got me thinking about my side of the bed, and wondering when my side became my side. I definitely have memories of sleeping on Ben’s current side of bed in some of the houses we lived in. In fact, I think the layout of our house, and our bed’s relation to the nursery, is what ended up determining where we slept. If I remember right, it started with Baby Ralph, 16 years ago. Ben chose the side closest to the baby, then when tiny Ralph woke in the night, Ben would get up and bring the baby to me for nursing, letting me stay in the cozy bed — his sweet way of making the night nursings easier for me. (I know we just discussed how much I love my sleep.)

But somewhere along the line — I’m guessing it was in New York, which is the place we lived the longest as a married couple — we settled into particular sides of the bed. I’m on the left. He’s on the right (the right if you’re laying in bed). At home. At hotels. At friend’s houses. It’s practically become an instinct.

I know it’s a silly question, but how about you? Do you and your partner have particular sides of the bed? Or do you switch around? And for those of you sleeping solo at the moment, do you straddle the middle or do you keep to one side?

P.S. — Do you make your bed?

78 thoughts on “My Side of the Bed”

  1. When standing at the foot of the bed, I’m on the right, hubs is on the left. Can’t sleep any other way. Even if he’s away, I’m on my side. Just the way it is…

  2. For sure! I always sleep on the right bc I sleep on my left side. If I flip over at night I can feel my husband’s breath on my face and I flip back over. And for some reason I feel like I’ve dropped the ball if I don’t make our bed on a busy morning fraught with kiddie catastrophes. Instead of telling myself that it’s unimportant I criticize myself for not being neater. Crazy, I know.

  3. We’re like you, I’m always on the left. I don’t know how it started but it’s been that way since the first day. And I ALWAYS make the bed.

  4. Before I got married, I slept on the right side of my full size bed. After getting married, I shifted to the left side of our bed. When I was pregnant, I slept on the right side. After the baby came, I went back to the left. I switched during pregnancy because I used all these pillow behind me (I sleep on my left side) and I didn’t want them to be between my hubby and I.

  5. Since we’ve been married/lived together, our sides have always stayed the same. Me left, him right (when laying in bed). I can sleep on his side if no one is in our bed, but I’m not sure I could if he’s on my side…weird.

  6. Ah, yes – we too have sides of the bed. In fact, I’m not very OCD about much but this. Wherever we are – I need my side! and I believe that they have been the same way since we bought our first house in the Highlands in Denver. And I’m on the left too! I wonder if MOST women are on the left?? :-)

  7. I really enjoy this post because it made my husband and I start thinking about why we change sides. Like many of your readers we switch back and forth but with purpose. I feel much safer when my husband sleeps next to the door. Recently we switched so I am closest to the door so I can get our infant in the middle of the night. She starting to sleep longer and I have managed to steal my spot a few times.

    Btw, Love your blog!

  8. Both my husband and I were married before, and unfortunately in our prior relationships we had the same side of the bed. And that’s how I no longer sleep on the side of the bed I’m positive I was destined to have. (He was more insistent/whinier about keeping his side. Yeah yeah. Okay.) However, I still call the side he sleeps on “my” side of the bed and when he travels or wakes up first, I end up rolling over to that side.

  9. I’m on the right side. Always. Always have been.

    Except when I was pregnant. Then I was on the left. All three times

    Why? I don’t know. It just felt wrong when I was on the right side.

    Immediately after giving birth, I went back to the right side. All three times.

    Weird, huh?

  10. When my husband and I first started out sleeping together I was on the right (in the bed) and he was the left. Then when I was pregnant we switched to me being on the left side because it was more comfortable for me to lay on my left side. This also meant that when I was on my left side I was facing away from him instead of facing him, because he snores so badly. It was also the side closest to the bathroom which was really important! Now I am always on the left at home and when we are away in a hotel or somewhere, I am always closest to the bathroom, no matter whether it is the left or the right. Unfortunately that side effect of pregnancy never left! I always have to get up in the middle of the night.

  11. YES! we definitely have sides! JPE (hubs) sleeps on the side closest to the bathroom. He goes more than me! It’s sort of a neurotic habit (his words) but once he finally takes that last trip to the bathroom, and settles into bed, he falls into a DEEP sleep. I sleep closer to the sliding glass door… you know that female thing about getting too warm! When I was first divorced and bought my bed (queen) I slept down the middle. When I met JPE we picked the opposite side than we had slept on with our previous spouses. Never talked about it, it just happened organically. When he is away for work, I sleep on his side.

    I love crisp sheets with no wrinkles, so I change my sheets at least once a week… wash before leaving for work at 7:30am, throw in dryer… then fluff and put back on the bed after dinner. Works for me! JPE has gotten so used to crisp, freshly washed sheets & now he notices when I wait longer than the 6 days between washes. As for making the bed… I’m pretty neurotic… every layer has to be smooth. When I was in a cast for 6 months (broken bone in foot), he became a much better bed-maker! BTW, we make the bed as soon as we get up in the morning.

  12. Dear Gabrielle,
    A very touching article, indeed. It seems that not only do husbands and wives have respective sides of a bed, but also a respective side of a relationship. We sink into both, creating an impression that seems to envelope us for much of our lives. Perhaps it is wise to leave behind our impression and settle into more virgin territory. Perhaps a pint’s worth of discomfort in exchange for a pound of perspective.

  13. We’re same as you. I’m on the left he’s on the right. I make my bed out of instinct pretty much right away. We have a duvet and not flat sheets though, so it’s easy. :)

  14. I’m always on the right side. I’m a side sleeper and prefer to sleep on my right side…so this way, I sleep on my side, but we can still cuddle. :) It also means I’m on the outside in our room to make those pregnant nighttime bathroom trips easier. :) We’ve always had that arrangement…it just worked out that way when we started sharing a bed and has gone on ever since!

    Funnily enough, like others here, I do migrate to his side of the bed if he’s away on business. Our 2-year-old usually ends up in the bed with me, as well, so we both snuggle into ‘his’ space in the bed when he’s away.

  15. Fantastic post. My husband travels a lot in periods and when he’s away 1) I always stick to my side of the bed and 2.) have a strange adreneline rush the full time he’s away. I leap out of bed in the morning, because I know that I know I’m the steam behind the houseful train; and at night, I both do things I normally just wouldn’t do while he’s here (many a room have been painted, furniture moved and once… I even completely switched bedrooms on us…) — then, I’ve noticed the reverse: when he arrives back: I can continue to have a hard time switching off (someone to talk to all night along!) or fall asleep like a baby that first night (I flatter him by pointing out that it must just be the utter comfort I have knowing he’s back here he belongs!) Great post and I wish you time to do things just the way you might do them on your own, in his absence — may your reunion be bright!

  16. When my husband is gone, I finally learned to put two pillows where his body would be. I put them under the covers with the sheet kind of tucked under them, so it’s doesn’t feel like a pillow but like a lump next to me. Just the feeling of something along side me and reading before bed, helps immensely.

  17. We are a bit unusual as we switch sides frequently – sometimes every night, sometimes once a month. I am an occupational therapist and a back care specialist and am a firm believer that switching from side to side is better for your back! We have done this since we were married, and the added benefit is that it has helped us learn to adapt to any type of sleeping arrangement when we travel. As long as we’re lying down, we’re good!

  18. I don’t care which side of the bed….but I cannot contemplate an unmade bed. My son (11) never makes his bed. He is pretty helpful in so many other ways, but cannot see the point….other than “because I want you to”.

    I cant really come up with a great reason why :)

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