Image and text by Gabrielle.
It’s late on Wednesday night as I type this. I confess, I fully intended to write a post first thing this morning, but ended up spending my writing time discussing (and arguing about) the grand jury decision that was announced in Ferguson on Monday. Like many Americans, my emotions are running hot this week and I’m sometimes finding it difficult to respond in a way that will foster a helpful discussion. So I keep rereading the call for compassion written by The Bloggess, and I keep doing my best to take her sound advice.
In the midst of my discouragement at the state of racism in our county, I’ve also been prepping for Thanksgiving, which I’m very much looking forward to. I’ve been doing things like setting the table, gathering leaves and greens from the yard to add to the centerpiece, cleaning the house, and running errands. It’s another one of the those odd times where I fly between happy and sad from one minute to the next.
I know there are millions of people going through a similar range of emotions this week. And I send my love to each and every one. I have an endless list of things to be grateful for, but today, I’m feeling particularly grateful that I have the opportunity to freely discuss what is happening in the world, even when what is happening in the world is hard. I am hugely grateful to the community here on Design Mom for adding your voices to the discussions that happen here, and for being respectful of the varied opinions shared. I can not thank you enough.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I hope the pie you get to enjoy this year is the best yet!
P.S. — For my lovely readers who are not American, I know you won’t be celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, but please know I am thankful for you as well. : )
Anna
November 27, 2014 at 12:49 amThank you for your warm and kind words Gabrielle.
I hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving and let’s just hope that the world will eventually become a peaceful place for everyone. In the meantime we can only do our best.
I can absolutely relate to the strange place you must be in right now: concerned about external problems but also focussing on your home and family as a happy place. I have a deep respect for you compassion and actively positive attitude and I hope you will manage to fulfill your goals.
rachael
November 27, 2014 at 8:24 amYou’re upset about the final decision? Or the protests that came afterward? I am not an American but we do not have this problem in my country so I am slow to understand. In my country it does not matter if you are a white cop that shoots a black criminal, or vice versa, if you are doing your job correctly than that is all that matters. It is not racism, it is just perceived racism. I have never heard of a news story like this in my own country. Why do I hear news stories like this every week in the States? I also do not understand why Americans feel the need to fight racism with more violence. Do they really think that is the answer? Is that really the way all Americans think?
The most powerful country in the world seems like it is also the most prideful and arrogant country, which will eventually lead to its own demise, I suspect.
Heidi
November 29, 2014 at 11:05 amRacheal, I do not know which country you are from, but I would suspect that you have not looked much into this issue, and would encourage you to educate yourself rather than post such a comment. There are many forms of pride, and I must say that for me, your comment came across portraying the same character faults that you accuse the Americans of. I myself am Canadian, and I know that we have our own skeletons in the closet, especially in how we treated the First Nations peoples, and every successive wave of immigration. I guess the only way to move forward would be to first acknowledge that the problem exists.
rachael
November 30, 2014 at 5:07 pmHeidi, I didn’t mean it in the tone that I think you are taking it as. I profusely apologize to you and to Gabrielle for bringing any harsh thoughts to the internet. Of course I am proud of where I live and how my neutral my country is present day. My comment was genuinely interested in Gabrielle’s opinion, she seems like a “neutral” American to ask these things to. From what I’m reading in online news I cannot tell if people are upset because the justice system truly failed Michael Brown or if they just wanted justice for the family whether or not it was the truth. Why the riots? What will they accomplish? These are the things I long to know. Several American bloggers I read have asked the question of where their great country has gone, and as an outsider, I wonder that too.
rachael
November 30, 2014 at 7:00 pmMy husband says wise words come later…so now that I’ve thought about this more, I guess I can define the true meaning of my comment…How would you explain this story to an outsider who had never heard of Michael Brown?
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:14 amAlso, I like you rephrased the question. I suppose if I was trying to explain the situation to an outsider I would say:
I am very upset about the decision the grand jury made in Ferguson. I believe the officer should have gone to trial. The mostly white police force has been harassing the black citizens of Ferguson for many, many years and this particular death was so awful and unwarranted, I think it would have been good to have a trial so that the country could see the facts and hear both sides.
As for the riots, I didn’t feel they were unwarranted. In America, people riot for far less important things, like sports, so being upset about these riots isn’t at the top of my priority list.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:09 amHi Rachael. Thanks for your comments. And thank you for clarifying what sort of tone you were trying to use in your comment. I too read your words like Heidi did and found myself feeling defensive. I think it’s one of those things where I’m fine to make fun of my family, but if someone else does, I can’t stand it. And I feel the same about America. I criticize it freely, but when I hear someone from another country criticize it, I feel defensive. Even if no harm was intended.
Sarah
November 27, 2014 at 10:14 amThank you, Gabrielle, for mentioning this topic. I’ve been discouraged my the deafening silence from so many other bloggers. I have a very hard time discussing this with those who refuse to acknowledge the deep-seeded problem of racism and bigotry in our country– and no doubt around the world. People are so distracted by the violence narrative, they blind themselves to the roots of the problem.
In my post, I wrote about ways we can do better for our children. I think that’s the only way forward.
Emily
November 28, 2014 at 6:54 amI wholeheartedly agree, Sarah. I was so discouraged and honestly outraged by either the silence from bloggers or the continuation of everyday posts, as if nothing had happened.
Thank you, Gabrielle, for acknowledging how hard and confusing this week has been.
Happy Thanksgiving, to all.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:16 amThank you for the kind words, Sarah and Emily. I have to say, I’m still so upset. I’m hoping for a federal trial.
Lisa B.
November 27, 2014 at 1:11 pmThanks so much for that link to The Bloggess’s post. It is balm.
Katy
November 27, 2014 at 7:25 pmEchoing Sarah’s comment! For me, understanding our world (and helping my kids understand it) is as much a part of being a mom as laundry and school lunches, and I appreciate that you cover topics both serious and not so serious!
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:17 amI very much agree, Katy! Discussing the realities of race in America with our children should be happening in every home in America.
Pamela Balabuszko-Reay
November 27, 2014 at 7:58 pmHappy Thanksgiving Gabrielle- to you and yours.
It has indeed been a very difficult week. I weep at where our country has been and where it still is today. I rejoice at the work for justice that surrounds me and that there is a chance that our children will see a different America.
I am thankful for you and all that you share on your blog.
Peace.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:18 amPeace to you too, Pamela.
Katie Harding
November 28, 2014 at 7:11 amGreat post, thanks for sharing.
Rachel
November 28, 2014 at 7:43 amThank you for having the courage to discuss the beautiful and ugly parts of our culture and country. I’ve also been frustrated by the lack of conversation about Ferguson and am trying to bring up the issues in my circles. It isn’t easy or doesn’t seem very productive sometimes but I know silence isn’t the right choice.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:18 amOh goodness. If you’re looking for conversation about Ferguson, I can definitely recommend Facebook. Although it can make me scream sometimes. Hah!
Gayle
November 28, 2014 at 8:14 amThanks for your beautiful post Gabrielle, and for the words of wisdom and compassion of your readers as well. It all resonates with me. I too can easily go from sad to happy. I think it’s understandable because there is so much beauty and suffering in the world. One wants to be compassionate and joyful, but it is sometimes hard to stand with equanimity in one’s own center. The deep and ongoing history of racism in our country which manifests in so many ways, including what happened in Ferguson, but also the massive locking up of Black men in our prisons, and even the dis-respect shown our President (like no other President in history has experienced) is extremely dis-heartening. Personally I think these and similar kinds of problems (the hatred of the “other”) are not solely or even primarily American, but are a feature of the fact that we humans, as a species, have not fully evolved. I am always stunned by the greatness that we Can manifest (in so many ways), and stunned by our “inhumanity” on other occasions. As the Buddha said, ten thousand joys and sorrows. Breathing deeply. And appreciating what there is to appreciate (much), and you, for your wise and kind and generous-spirited self, and what you share with us. Thanks Gabrielle.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:19 amI love your thoughtful comment, Gayle. Thank you for taking the time to share it. Breathing deeply as well.
Celeste
November 28, 2014 at 7:26 pmRead your post and thought of this lovely one. http://themanifeststation.net/2014/11/25/how-to-parent-on-a-night-like-this/
Lauran
November 28, 2014 at 8:13 pmGayle, thank you for your comment. I really appreciate the way you worded it. You managed to capture what I could not express — how humans all over the world have the ability to be so kind and yet so horrible to each other. I never considered the evolution theory — it’s a good one. I just don’t know what the solution is. I actually think racism has gotten worse in the last few years and most people just don’t want to talk about it.
Sarah
December 1, 2014 at 10:27 amThis is exactly how I felt last Wednesday. I think you’re brave for bringing “political” issues, to a blog about comparatively uncontroversial topics like babies and home decor. I appreciate it so much. Because this is the type of blog someone might come to in an attempt to ignore the state of the world, and as you point out, that is not acceptable. It’s refreshing. Thank you.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:20 amYou’re welcome, Sarah. Thank you for joining in the conversation!
julia
December 2, 2014 at 9:46 amI was relieved and happy when the “Ferguson Decision” was made.
In all the previous media responses , I heard not one word of concern that the
policeman deserved a fair trial. The encouragement of the”Victim Complex” is, in my opinion, most unfortunate and tragically damaging. I do not feel that I am a “Racist” and I do understand such things are very complex. Thanks for inviting
our opinions. Love you, Gabby!
Amy Wirth
December 2, 2014 at 11:02 amJulia:
You state that you think Darren Wilson deserves a fair trial, but the grand jury decision means there will not be a trial, at least not at the local level. No trial goes way beyond any definition of fair. Hopefully, there will be a federal trial.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:28 amI’m hoping for a trial as well, Amy.
jessie
December 2, 2014 at 7:25 pmForgive me, but … “relieved and happy”? A policeman shot an unarmed young man 12 times. Michael Brown might not have been perfect. He might even have responded aggressively when Officer Wilson told him not to walk in the street. (Not that walking in the street is a crime that white people are generally stopped for.) But 12 times? Because he was big and black and that scared Officer Wilson and so he shot him 12 times? And you are concerned that Officer Wilson is not getting justice?
Forgive me. I am the wife of a black man and the mother of a black son. So the “Ferguson Decision” is personal to me. What happened to Michael Brown (and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and the 12 year old who was killed by a policeman last week because he was playing with a toy gun at a playground) isn’t so much about police violence, though that is concerning. It’s about the more general sense that having black skin makes someone suspect. Can you imagine the up-roar (and body-count) if the men taking automatic weapons to grocery stores or public parks to make a statement about open-carry laws and their 2nd Amendment rights were black?
I don’t know you, Julia. But I do think a lot of white people share your opinion that black Americans have only themselves to blame. And I don’t think they or you are aware of how privileged you are just by having white skin.
Design Mom
December 3, 2014 at 12:24 amLike Jessie, I would say I felt the opposite of “relieved and happy” when I learned the Grand Jury’s decision. I was (and continue to be) very upset about it. I find myself getting into arguments on Facebook and I’ve ended up “unfriending” people who insist that the killing in Ferguson had no basis in race.
Personally, based on the grand jury, I think the police officer would have received more than a fair trial. In fact, I think the trial would have been biased in his favor — and I think the grand jury was as well. The white citizens of Ferguson seem to get treated more than fairly at every possible instance. I’m not worried about them at all.