Love the live post. I agree. I don’t want to see the mess. I live in my own mess. I look to blogs and even instagram to see the inspiration and the solutions. Thank you for blogging. And in my opinion, for keeping it real.

I never realized that you were one of the major creative brains behind ALT! Good luck to you these next few weeks!

Paige
http://thehappyflammily.com

The Facebook Live videos are one of my favorite things about your site currently, and I was super excited to finally get to watch one live today! (I may or may not have watched from my desk at work :) Just wanted to say that I am SO very familiar with that “old familiar fear” and January is always a really tough month for me too – just the holidays wrapping up, throwing myself back into work again after a bit of a respite, several mid-January birthdays…it’s too much! Both of my very lowest times, depression-wise, crept in through January and February and knocked me out cold by March!! So I really empathize with you!

Very thoughtful post – and I agree that I generally don’t want to see the mess, however a glimpse of the mess every now and then is actually something I do like! I think that part of the problem is that us readers tend get “closer” to bloggers than we did to random people we saw in magazines every now and then, so we want them (the bloggers) to be more like us. Some bloggers post daily – and it becomes a bit like a daily check in with a pal. I think a little view of a real life every now and then helps us readers feel a bit better. Mostly we don’t really like to think of bloggers as making a living from us readers, we want to think of bloggers as our internet friends, so it does get hard when our friends lives look so great and perfect. Also, I think there is a difference between some staging things and showing only the clean corner of the kitchen, and going out and buying things and then returning them after photos, as some bloggers seem to be doing…

Loved every minute! Specially seeing Beautiful Maude! And I agree with
you 100 percent. Many thanks; you made my day!

A quick aside: I’d like to stop seeing the word “porn” all over the place. Lifestyle, cabin, food, wedding….just, ick. Why is this word being normalized?

Yes, blogs are for inspiration and ideas, and fun.
Yes, I would also prefer the word porn not be used as much.

About the mess or no mess and the staging, I agree with you: we all stage our lives online. Some more than others, that’s all.
We can decide to do it or not, to watch it or not, and we should remain aware of the biased appearance of things (or people or situations) on the web!

Things are looking quite amazing in your house and in your life Gabby, but on the other hand, you are sometimes almost brutally honest (I think about your posts about mental health, for example) and so open.
And honestly, your live posts make you and your family look (pardon me, but it should be seen as a compliment maybe?) less “perfect” to me than the gorgeous pictures and the texts in the blog. Just more normal, natural and real!

Also I like it when, occasionally, in your home tours, the houses are not “perfect”, and you show houses belonging to interesting but not super wealthy people… because more than the apparent perfection, the feeling of having “money issues” is possibly hurtful when watching some of you guys bloggers who are obviously very successful and well off …

I’d like to see the word “alt” a lot less these days. The so-called “alt right” may have ruined any positive connotation for “alt”.

I am very uncomfortable with the word “porn” being used so freely; to me
it has a moral implication. Loved listening to Maude speak French and
just to see her. She’s a beautiful young lady. Really love Ralph’s attitude
about his mission. Sending love and appreciation. BYU begins this Monday.
Holidays are over. They were wonderful!

I just watched the whole video, and I have to say that I love listening to intelligent women talk productively about a subject. I’ve been in a funk lately because I get frustrated a people who don’t take the time to educate themselves and just believe what they are told or what other people think. Anyway, I totally understand what you were saying about the lifestyle porn. I don’t think it’s any different then a friend making a comment about how I make it seem on Facebook that my kids never fight. I just choose to not post that type of thing because I figure no one wants to hear about it, just like I don’t wan to read about them complaining about their kids all the time.

Thank you for such an interesting take on a touchy subject. Happy New Year!

I only got to listen to about 2/3 of the video before my kids demanded lunch, but as I listened to your feelings on lifestyle blogging, I kept thinking of the aphorism “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I can definitely see how people can look at beautifully staged homes and lifestyles and feel inferior, but I do not think that is really ever the intent of lifestyle bloggers. I have occassionally looked at images and thought “Gee, my house will never look like that, my kids will never behave like that, I’ll never pull together a craft that like, etc.,” but more often than not I can find inspiration for my own life. Even more important than that, I frequently find myself then looking for those beautiful moments in my own day, the joy of seeing my kids sit together for 5 minutes while the oldest reads the youngest a book, my middle daughter showing off the “beautiful creation” she just made from her duplos, setting the table for a nice Sunday dinner with friends. I think we can look at beautifully staged things and see them as a moment that we can look for in our own lives. It can make us more grateful for the joys we already have if we choose to let it.

I really enjoy the live videos (although I have yet to watch one live!)! I completely agree with you on lifestyle “porn”. For a long time, I read a LOT of blogs, and I would get upset when they changed into something I wasn’t as interested in (and yes, sometimes that meant “too perfect” or “too staged”). After a while, I stopped getting upset and just stopped reading/looking at things that I no longer enjoyed. I mean, even just as a person, I change. There is nothing wrong with change, and I truly believe that we should live our lives as we want to and not based on all the other voices, so why would I not apply that to people who have an online presence? I personally enjoy when bloggers and social media posters occasionally share a glimpse at the mess, but I also like seeing “perfect” beautiful things. Your comment about not needing or wanting to see someone’s kid’s dirty underwear online really made me laugh out loud! Yup, definitely don’t need or want to see that!

Keep up the good work, Gabrielle! If you’re breaking a sweat, no one can see it. Not on my end, anyway. ;)

Actually your blog is one of the few blogs I still read! I’ve moved on to other forms of media. I love pretty home photos and while my own home is generally a dismal affair (I’m being hard on myself) I really enjoy looking at and being inspired by pretty homes. I am also sometimes annoyed by what can sound like a saccharine tone but that’s all me.

I have been thinking about your really thoughtful comments about staging and purpose. I think you are right that, similar to magazines, professional design bloggers would naturally be staging. The biggest difference I see, is there is not necessarily acknowledgement of the support and help in staging. In magazines, the photographers are acknowledged, the products, the content producers, all the help is acknowledged. In blogging, the contributors and support (however that is defined) aren’t always acknowledged so it can present this idea that it has all been done by one person, on the fly. The work, planning, and time isn’t always acknowledged and a lot of work goes into some of these blogs!

My absolute favourite blogger (not a designer) really became top notch in my mind when she acknowledged her nanny in her blog turned book as a key to her success. She is an amazing blogger who provides beautiful pictures of beautiful food but acknowledged the nanny allowed her the time and space to do this beautiful “staged” work.

I don’t know, it’s just a thought. Really, a first world debate and I do love your work!

The word “porn”connotes* degrading, defiling, exploiting and violating women and children. Since when is it okay to use this word as click bait?!

* connote – definition: to make you think about something in addition to the word’s meaning; to be associated with or inseparable from

To be clear, I don’t think anyone necessarily tries to convey that their life is “ALWAYS perfect”. And if that is MY perception, that is my problem. I think social media is so new there isn’t the same traditional ways to recognize or site the expertise put into the work. A magazine traditionally has space to acknowledge the work put into something. I think to a lesser extent blog but instagram is an evolved magazine and some key aspects (like acknowledgement) have been lost.

Thank you for saying that sometimes your brain is your worst enemy. I actually teared up reading it, because I often feel that way about my brain. As creative and intelligent as it is, it plays tricks on me and causes me doubt and anxiety.

Thank you for thinking about the ones who don’t use Facebook!

This discussion came at perfect time for me, personally, as I’ve been hashing out some things in my head; my inner conflicts feel occassionally exacerbated by the easy access we have to witnessing other people’s cool opportunities via social media. I’ve tried removing the Instagram app from my phone (but always know how to find it again!), and living more in my own reality (that is really, quite wonderful), but your thoughts on validating the beauty and inspiration to which we are privy has shifted my perspective. How helpful!

I finally had a chance to watch this one (I don’t do Facebook so thank you for still posting these here!) and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m inspired by how you play around with your hair and I think it’s wonderful (at any age!). Maude is so awesome and her conversation reminds me of my European wanderings when I just slightly older than her. I cried along with you when you teared up over Ralph….my Mama Bear heart just loved that! Mostly though, I was so into your conversation about lifestyle p*rn (like others, I don’t like how the word has become part of our everyday lexicon). I didn’t read the original article although I would love to. Your comments seemed to echo exactly how I feel about this entire topic. The beauty of social media is that you can constantly curate it to your interests and there’s something for everyone. If something makes you feel bad, tune out. Isn’t there a saying “life is a stage”….it kind of is and I don’t think that’s going to change. I’ve been reading your blog since 2008-9 and one reason I still follow is that you do seem authentic to me. So thank you and keep the “live” broadcasts coming!!!