By Gabrielle. Photo by Katrina Davis.
Let’s talk about love! A couple weeks ago, I read an opinion piece in the New York Times called Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person. It was written by Alain de Botton and puts forth the idea that there isn’t a perfect person out there for us, and that choosing a partner is more about finding someone with whom you can tolerate each other’s differences. He writes, “Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.”
Did you get a chance to read it? What did you think? It’s a really practical, unromantic approach to “falling in love”, but I find this idea: “We need to swap the Romantic view for a tragic (and at points comedic) awareness that every human will frustrate, anger, annoy, madden and disappoint us — and we will (without any malice) do the same to them,” to ultimately be very loving. I feel like it allows us all to be human and make mistakes.
And then, I read another article, called “We Don’t Always End Up With The Loves Of Our Lives (And That’s Okay)” by Heidi Priebe. She believes in BIG LOVE, but she’s practical about it too. Her main idea is that even if we experience deep, intense love with someone, we may not end up with them. But she okay with that, because, “Some people can love you more in a year than others could love you in fifty. Some people can teach you more within a single day than others could teach you over the entire course of a lifetime.” Do you agree?
The articles made me wonder, where do you fall on the romantic scale? Is romance important to you? Do you believe in soulmates? Do you think everyone has a “love of their life”? And did you find yours, or marry yours? As for me, I can appreciate a good romantic movie or book now and again, but I don’t crave it a ton. I don’t know if romance is a love language, but if it is, I don’t think it’s my love language.
That said, I definitely consider myself in love with Ben Blair. Our marriage is the happiest thing in my life. Does that mean we were meant for each other? If I had married someone else, would I feel the same way? Do I just enjoy being married? Maybe so, but that’s almost too practical for me. It’s more appealing to me to feel like I got really lucky and found the best possible match for myself.
There’s another line in the first article that also got me thinking. He writes, “What matters in the marriage of feeling is that two people are drawn to each other by an overwhelming instinct and know in their hearts that it is right. Indeed, the more imprudent a marriage appears (perhaps it’s been only six months since they met; one of them has no job or both are barely out of their teens), the safer it can feel.”
I totally recognize that thinking in our culture! In fact, I’ve experienced it myself — Ben Blair and I married just a few short months after we starting dating. How about you? If you’ve ever been married, how soon was the engagement and wedding after you met your significant other? Any other good love articles you’ve read lately?
P.S. — Do you wear your wedding ring?