Comments on: Surnames http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/ The Intersection of Design & Motherhood Sat, 11 Oct 2014 06:10:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Michele http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-553299 Michele Fri, 02 Aug 2013 19:37:42 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-553299 Yes! We know two brothers who changed their name from their estranged stepfather’s name as adults. It was a little confusing professionally because they never made an announcement about it, we just noticed their email addresses had changed.

My FIL was adopted as a child by his stepfather (no one asked him) and his name was changed. His stepfather was a terrible, horrible man and the name has brought my FIL so much agony over the years. He’s legally changed his name to start with his original surname.

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By: Michele http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-553281 Michele Fri, 02 Aug 2013 19:26:59 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-553281 There is probably no need to save the spot unless your country only allows it that way. I moved my maiden name to replace my middle name (married in Hawaii, lived in California). Easy peasy!

It was VERY important for my husband to have my name match his so he filled out all of the paperwork and made the appointment at the social security office. I used my new full name professionally and always sign with my middle initial. We’ve been married almost ten years and now my husband says that he doesn’t know why it was so important to him then; he wouldn’t care now if my last name were still my maiden one. But it’s nice to have the same last name as my son; I think it makes traveling solo with him so much easier.

My son has my maiden name as one of his middle names.

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By: DebiR http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-521672 DebiR Wed, 10 Jul 2013 00:01:01 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-521672 What a fascinating topic… I’ve enjoyed reading all (yes, ALL!) the responses. Names have intrigued me from the time I was small. I loved collecting all the strange names.. Candy Cain, Candy Barr, Eddie Edward Edwards, then the rhyming names, etc. etc. In my case, I was THRILLED to take my husbands name. Not that it was such a great name, but I was so glad to be rid of a name that not only did I have to spell out slowly and carefully each and every time, but it was a name that rhymed with an embarrassing body reaction to eating beans! For our family, the interesting challenge came when we adopted older children who had their father’s name. In spite of his horrific abuse, they did not want to change their name. So, we did as some here have described, and just added our last name, changing their previous surname to a second middle name. Interestingly, as they reached adulthood, the one most traumatized reverted to the previous name, while the two younger ones did not. This certainly is a subject that is decided by personal preferance, (and legality), not reason! :-) Thanks for addressing the topic!

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By: colleen http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-461669 colleen Sun, 12 May 2013 15:06:53 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-461669 I love this post and all the thoughtful comments. This is very timely for me as I have been feeling confused & struggling about what to do with my last name due to a recent divorce. I’m having a bit of an identity crisis right now! When I got married, I happily changed my name and slid my last name over to my middle name since I didn’t have one. I loved both my birth names and my new married name. It was then and still is important to me for my children and I to share a last name although I would also rather not carry on my ex-spouse’s name. Now after 12 years of marriage, having three children & then heartbreaking infidelity by my husband, I’m trying to convince myself I am no less their mother if my last name doesn’t match my sons. I tried thinking of my married last name as my mamaname and relate it to just me and my children but that seems rather wishful thinking. I changed some documents so that I now have two last names and no middle name while I decide what to do. This way I can use both or one as it seems relevant at work or at my kids’ schools. It doesn’t help that I often get a lot of comments when people hear the name & say “it’s such a great name”.

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By: Linda Laine http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-461550 Linda Laine Sat, 11 May 2013 17:22:57 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-461550 In Honduras, where I live, you can’t really change your maiden name, so for all legal purposes you use it, but you can use your married name for social reasons.

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By: Heather http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-460917 Heather Thu, 09 May 2013 20:40:56 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-460917 I have always had (and continue to have) very similar issues with my birth name, even though I’ve been married almost 8 years! My first name is extremely popular for women my age, and my maiden name is one of the most common in the US. Add in the fact that my given middle name is the name most commonly paired with my first name, and you have a very common 3-name combination. I grew up in a small-ish town and there were 2 other people just at my middle school with the same exact (first-middle-last) name as me! I was always referred to as Heather X or Heather Birthname, and not just Heather. It always really bothered me, so I eagerly embraced my husband’s name when we got married. (It also really turned me off to popular first names when naming my own children!)

But my biggest issue is this: I also happen to be the lucky (unlucky) person who snagged the Gmail email address for my birth name (first.middle.last), and I get emails for the other Heathers all the time. Important emails, about stuff like repaying student loans, travel reservations, and other things! It’s sort of scary to think about.

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By: Amy http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-460064 Amy Sun, 05 May 2013 11:23:50 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-460064 I struggled. My dad has 3 sisters, and he’s the last carrying the family name in our branch. My brother died a year and a half before I got married. Which left me as the last one standing in my generation with the last name. My husband was completely fine with whatever I decided. I went back and forth a lot. In the end, I kept my name as it was- but added my husband’s last name at the end. So I have two middle names- my given middle name and my maiden name. I sign everything with two middle initials and my official name on record has 2 middle names- so I have 4 names total. It has worked for me, I am happy this way.

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By: PinonCoffee http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-459886 PinonCoffee Fri, 03 May 2013 20:28:48 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-459886 Sabela,

As far as I can tell, in the US it depends which DMV you go to when you get your name changed! They let me keep my first + middle [mom's maiden] + my maiden + husband’s name with no problem, but a number of my friends had to pick one to drop. I have no idea why that is. I like my full name, though it’s a lot to sign. It’s kind of like the Spanish way, now that I think of it — a whole story of where I came from.

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By: Liz http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-459849 Liz Fri, 03 May 2013 18:15:36 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-459849 I had MAJOR reservations about changing my last name because I was so attached to it. I got married 3.5 years ago at age 30. I decided that I needed time to get used to it. My husband was amazingly cool with that. When our 1-year anniversary came around, I was also due to renew my driver’s license. I thought, let’s go for it! Since the first anniversary is paper, I surprised my husband with my new social security card and driver’s license with my married name.

To my surprise, I actually felt closer to my husband and more like a family by sharing his last name.

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By: jennifer http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-459654 jennifer Fri, 03 May 2013 04:01:18 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-459654 I have a very common first name and my maiden name is also very common. There were always other girls with my exact same name in elementary school and again in college. I hated that, but was really on the fence about taking my husband’s surname.
Then, one fateful day after we had been married about a month, a large package arrived on our doorstep. Wedding presents were still tricking in at this point, so I didn’t think too much about it. I opening the box to find another box labeled, “Breast Enhancement System”. I was horrified! I cautiously opened that box to search for an invoice/receipt/phone number and found two additional boxes — one labeled “medium” and the other labeled “large”. (!!!)
There was no invoice, no receipt, nothing but an instruction guide with a single phone number. The phone number would only connect me to a computer, which wanted me to enter my account number, which I of course didn’t have and which was not included in the box! I *finally* got a live person on the phone by tricking the computer into thinking I was a “healthcare professional.”
I told the woman on the other end, “I received your product today, but I didn’t order it and I don’t want it and please send a UPS driver to pick it up immediately.” When I told her my name, she gasped, “The missing box!” and put me on hold. Apparently, someone else in my apartment complex had the exact same name as me and had ordered a breast enhancement system. UPS had just stuck the wrong label on the front of the box.
The very next morning I was at the social security office changing my last name.

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By: Sarah W http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-459067 Sarah W Wed, 01 May 2013 05:44:40 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-459067 I was Sarah Brown before I got married, which I was always happy with, and it was very easy for other people to spell which is always nice, but as I got older I thought it might be nice to have a more unique last name, especially because I’ve always dreamed of being a “famous singer” (ha, ha) and Sarah Brown seemed to plain for someone famous. :) Well, after marrying my husband I am now a Wiedmaier (prounounced Weed-meyer) which is so unique/strange, and I always have to spell it for people. I felt almost embarrassed at first, and I would say things like “I know, it’s such a weird name, I married into it”. But now I don’t mind it at all.

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By: Colleen http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-459029 Colleen Tue, 30 Apr 2013 20:49:27 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-459029 When I got married, I went from a very Irish name to a very English one. I don’t mind my married name, but I do sometimes miss my very curly signature from my single days.

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By: carolina http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-458899 carolina Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:53:21 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458899 This is interesting. I’m from Chile where you have your parent’s last name. First Name + middle name + father’s last name + mother’s last name. We never use our middle name and some cases like mine is long and strange for others. My middle name is “del Pilar”. We, like a family with two boys, moved to Canada and can change our names but decided kept it. Sometimes is difficult have a different last name, sometimes changed my boys last name with mine and used my husband’s last name like middle name. I don’t care explain to people our names. I want my kids have both last name like us. When I was a girl I was so proud about my mother’s last name (CID) and never will change it. Now, we have a daughter, she is Canadian and can’t use my middle name (my heart breaks, my mother have it too) with her because sound strange but she uses both last name.

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By: Amelie Trufant Dawson http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-458851 Amelie Trufant Dawson Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:49:31 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458851 When my husband and I first met (and weren’t immediately fond of each other…at all), he found out my last name and came rushing over to me to say “Your name is Amelie Trufant? That’s such a wonderful name! When we get married, you should definitely keep your name!” I completely balked- who did this guy think he was? How presumptuous! How cocky! Not even ‘if’ but ‘when’?! Months later, I was head over heels in love with him, and years later I was signing our marriage certificate, and even though I had planned on keeping my name, as I signed the last “fant”, I had a vision of having kids in the future and all of a sudden I just wanted to know that we’d all share a family name and hastily added “Dawson” to my signature and there it is.

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By: Andrea http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-458833 Andrea Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:49:53 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458833 I love this! I can’t tell you the effort it takes to change a name: mortgage, license, social security, registration, insurance policies, on and on and on. Why bother?

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By: Jennifer http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-458820 Jennifer Mon, 29 Apr 2013 16:53:25 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458820 haha…that was supposed to say “make my peace”…perhaps I am not there yet!

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By: Jennifer http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-458819 Jennifer Mon, 29 Apr 2013 16:52:28 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458819 I have just been writing about this very subject in my book draft! I kept my maiden name because my mother had kept hers and because a lot of academics do and I always hate seeing the record of people’s love lives in their bibliography (article under maiden name, book under hyphenated married name, second book under maiden name again after the divorce). In any case, for different reasons we gave the children a hyphenated last name. My husband and his father are estranged, but he has a very unusual surname and has always identified with it. Now that we have three children with the hyphenated last name, and as I make my piece with my mother’s terminal illness (she has early-onset Alzheimer’s) I am thinking about changing my name to the hyphenated name (Stager-Radavich) that our children have. I am still thinking it over, but it feels like turning in towards our family unit in a way. Thanks for bringing this topic up!

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By: Amber Marlow, theAmberShow http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-2/#comment-458807 Amber Marlow, theAmberShow Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:58:34 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458807 After adoption by my step-father (because of an absent biological father) I changed my last name at 16.

At 27, I changed my middle name to Marlow because it sounds like a last name, and added my husband’s last name two years after our wedding.

When we divorced three years later I dropped his last name, and now I’m just Amber Marlow, and so shall I remain.

Four legal names in a lifetime is quite enough! (I’m 31.)

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By: Amber Marlow, theAmberShow http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-458805 Amber Marlow, theAmberShow Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:50:49 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458805 In case you needed the totally unsolicited opinion of a stranger: Popemiller is AMAZING.

“That nice lesbian couple, the Popemillers.”

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By: Angela http://www.designmom.com/2013/04/surnames/comment-page-1/#comment-458800 Angela Mon, 29 Apr 2013 14:58:27 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=34881#comment-458800 In high school I had a Spanish teacher with a first name and last name that looked like they should rhyme but don’t. Marcia (pronounced Marsha) Garcia. You can tell who knows her from her single days because they call her “Marsha Garsha,” but later friends call her “Marceeyah Garceeyah.”

She would jokingly warn her students to think carefully about possible future names before even going on a first date with someone!

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