Comments on: High School http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/ The Intersection of Design & Motherhood Wed, 22 Oct 2014 21:29:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Amber http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-445279 Amber Mon, 18 Mar 2013 03:41:24 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-445279 This article really gave me some interesting perspective on a lot of things in my life right now. I guess I didn’t appreciate how very fragile and important these teen years are, my oldest turns 14 next month so it was very pertinent to me. Thanks for passing it on!

]]>
By: Lamchops http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444971 Lamchops Sat, 16 Mar 2013 16:56:17 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444971 I am laughing right now because I recognize the photo. Did it make it into the yearbook or something? Man I feel old now. Scrunchies are so funny to look back on. I used to sell them at my first job. LOL.

]]>
By: KellliO http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444714 KellliO Fri, 15 Mar 2013 14:36:19 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444714 Thanks so much for sharing the pictures with us, Gabrielle!

]]>
By: jessica http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444503 jessica Thu, 14 Mar 2013 20:45:29 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444503 What a great article. I studied in France my sophomore year of high school. There were no “cliques” in school there. I thought it was a far better environment academically in Europe because you didn’t have to deal with that. As for the part in the article where cellists feel like nerds, I beg to differ. I was an orchestra musician from middle school through college. This did not make me feel dorky in the least, having a talent was something that gave me self-esteem. In our sphere, it was the best musician who was the envy of the crowd. I personally think music is far more competitive than sports. I enjoyed my freshman year of high school, but returning after being away was hard. I hope your children can enjoy returning to the US schools, though it may be hard. However, the world is a smaller place now so maybe they won’t be considered too unusual in this day for their experience. One universal truth about the article could be said: no one escapes this time frame completely unscathed.

]]>
By: Maike http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444329 Maike Thu, 14 Mar 2013 08:04:15 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444329 I know High School in the US only from TV shows and talking to Americans and I always had the impression that it is a very cruel place. It seems that bullying is very tolerated and kids who do that do not have to deal with any consequences. Also the peer pressure, regarding how popular or pretty you are, to be good in sports or a cheerleader seems to be enormous.
I remember a time at my German high school where I was seen as something like a teacher’s pet and not very popular, I was a bit of a geek and did not have many friends but I still liked going to school and there were always kids that I would hang out with, so there was no pressure for me to change.
Also it is true: by the age of 16 you can almost do whatever you want, at least in the part of Germany that I grew up in.
And: The coolest boys at my school were all not very athletic and very much into Star Trek – I only learned from American TV that these are things that make you uncool.

]]>
By: Bonnie @ the pin junkie http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444205 Bonnie @ the pin junkie Wed, 13 Mar 2013 16:03:21 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444205 I agree. High school can be difficult, but that doesn’t means it should be avoided altogether. It’s not necessarily the institution of high school that is difficult. It’s just a difficult time of life. It’s also what you make of it. Your outlook, whether it be positive or negative will influence your experience as well.

]]>
By: Sophie http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444194 Sophie Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:41:37 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444194 i went to private high school in dc, in a very affluent part of the city. but when i was reading your comment, so many of the great things you said about your school resonates with me. small class sizes, camaraderie between people who’ve known each other for years, and teachers who really care about their students and make the effort to guide and teach them. all i wanted when i was in middle school (public) – or elementary school, for that matter (also public) – was for someone to really take the time to help me work through the issues that were bothering me, both inside the classroom and out of it.

of course, i’m only one year removed from high school, so i really have no idea if and how my high school experience will shape my world view. but being able to meet kids of varied ages from many different socioeconomic backgrounds, and yet still feel like there was a common thread that stretched between us all…that is powerful, and important. what i think modern-day public school lacks – and this is across the board, not just high school – is the forum and encouragement to form friendships across grade and race and gender lines. kids don’t know how to be friends with each other, so they’re not – which leads to bullying, cliques, and general loneliness. and adolescence is lonely enough without lacking friends.

]]>
By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444188 Design Mom Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:22:09 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444188 I think I know what you mean. The article mentions something similar near the end — something like perhaps the experience preps people for what the adult world is like.

]]>
By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444187 Design Mom Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:20:03 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444187 Another mention of Neufeld! Off to buy the book…

]]>
By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444186 Design Mom Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:18:23 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444186 Woah. 13 people? You’re not exaggerating about tiny.

I imagine the size of the school certainly impacts a students experience. Some will thrive in a larger student body, others will prefer a smaller school.

I think I’m more concerned about how to make sure my kids are spending time with lots of age groups through adolescence. The idea of mentors and internships is really appealing to me. Currently my kids have a French tutor who is in her 70′s or 80′s — I think it’s so good for them to have interesting conversations with someone that’s in such a different age bracket.

]]>
By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444184 Design Mom Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:11:44 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444184 I’m so embarrassed! A simple mistake on my part. I linked to New York Magazine, but typed New Yorker. Sigh.

I just corrected the post. Thanks for letting me know!

]]>
By: Barbara http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444183 Barbara Wed, 13 Mar 2013 14:10:50 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444183 I love Guila’s perspective as a current high-schooler… that was great to read!

I have a 13 yr old daughter who will be in high school in another year. She is currently in middle school and at times I do feel like I’m holding my breath. She’s had her ups and downs, but we have a very close relationship so I know when something is troubling her and we always talk. Even though I sometimes wish she didn’t have to go through the angst of shifting friendships and who to sit with at lunch, in a weird way it is also an experience that I couldn’t deny her. Whenever she hits a bump and sheds some tears, I can always tell her a story from my own experience. It makes us closer and helps her feel that she is not alone. And most importantly, that she will be ok. If I home schooled (which I have thought about from time to time, but I work + I would be bad at it), she would certainly avoid some teenage anxieties, but then wouldn’t she miss out on making connections? Connections with friends, connections with her parents who have been through all of that, and connections with future friends …and someday her own children.

I think Guila is right in that teenagers need and love to spend time with like-minded friends. It is a time to separate from your parents and make bad choices and find your inner strength. I do think that it’s true to some extent that we will always see ourselves as our high school version. Even though I am 43, I will always and forever feel 18! I am different now in so many ways, but I love my 18 yr old self who was insecure and self-conscious, but who also had the funniest friends and who snuck out at night and did stupid things. I was just emerging as an adult and I can’t imagine having to spend that unique time at home with my mom.

Gabby, I know your kids will flourish and love high school because they are ready and they want it, and they have the support of your lovely + loving family unit. They may become fish in the sea, but they will all swim together and create experiences of a lifetime.

Bonne chance!!

]]>
By: Giulia http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444156 Giulia Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:47:03 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444156 aw that was the nicest compliment, thank you)

]]>
By: Sarah http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444149 Sarah Wed, 13 Mar 2013 06:09:55 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444149 Thanks for sharing the article. Fascinating! I can see why you’ve been wanting to share it with everyone. I hope I can deal with some of my issues before my kids (who are still in elementary school) approach high school. The concept of the teenagers holding onto their fears, and having difficulties unlearning those fears, even later, is interesting, and that is what I found myself thinking about as I read.

]]>
By: A. Schultz http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444091 A. Schultz Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:58:56 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444091 I found this article really interesting, but wanted to give New York Magazine credit. I think the article was in that magazine (not the New Yorker), which often has really interesting content – both light and weighty. I still get it delivered even though I’ve moved form NYC to California. A good read!

]]>
By: Shannon { A Mom's Year } http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444076 Shannon { A Mom's Year } Tue, 12 Mar 2013 23:11:31 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444076 I loved reading your perspective! You sound like one of the people I’m hoping my kids meet in high school. :)

]]>
By: calinai http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444072 calinai Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:48:43 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444072 It was an interesting article but seems a little bit exaggerated, things seem so different now, I know so many kids that start community college early or one of the many other options that there is hardly a set group of kids there for the entire experience. Maybe this is the case in a small isolated high school in a small town, but at a large high school there are just so many kids and subgroups that everyone found someone and no group seemed to dominate in the cool category. On top of that lots of people would have a separate group of friends for school and then friends at home, friends at extra activities, church, summer etc… Anyway, this is just my opinion, from the high schoolers I’m around, my own experience and siblings. I wonder when the studies were done.

]]>
By: Giulia http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444071 Giulia Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:45:03 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444071 Oh my! I’m sixteen and this article made me feel like us teenagers were being treated like laboratory mice haha. were not that strange, calm down… I don’t know why society has this bad image of the adolescent. It’s a hard period of life. You get all these strange changes in your body, your way of thinking develops, you are supposed to figure out what you want for the rest of your life and all that fun stuff… your safe, careless, happy childhood state is brutally ripped off you! So it’s normal we feel pressured or insecure. And adults should learn to deal with that without looking down on us like we’re the trouble makers. Don’t they make war? Don’t they beat up their wives? Don’t they steal? Don’t they lie on the media? Don’t they spend money uselessly? Don’t they drink and smoke until they get avoidable diseases? Adults can’t see the world clearly either… (I’m generalizing, adolescents get “generalized” constantly)

Dear Gabby, I’m completely sure your kids will be happy in their teenage years because you support them and they feel comfortable speaking to you. I definitely encourage you to send them to high school because in my opinion its not high school thats hard, it’s growing up. And no one can protect anyone from that (only Peter Pan). I’ve found that high school has been one of the things that has helped/eased the transition: for example, being able to become close to others who are going through the same is helpful. I lovely love my family, but too much time with them (hello one month roadtrips) kills me because I have no one that truly understands me with whom to share my feelings or thoughts (thoughts such as I got this big pimple on my forehead and I’m
dying, or I can’t handle it when my parents yell at each other for nothing). High school offers a lot of opportunities, support and connects you to like minded people (especially in the US). It’s a ticket to adventure (to polar plunges and college level classes and engineering summer camps and field hockey tournaments in florida).
And, as long as your kids feel loved and cared, they will let you know if anything is not working, or if they wish to do something different. As long as you let them know they can make their own decisions and that you’ll support them. As long as you give them their space, their time alone, their friends and their right to choose. Each one of your kids will become a different person so each one will be interested in a different experience these years. For some it will be the best years and for some just mediocre. Or a mix.

It’s natural that you worry. I probably will too when it’s my time to be a mom. But from the heart of a teenage reader, you and your kids will be good :)

Ps- this is so long, sorry. I was born and raised in Barcelona but did freshman and sophomore years in the US. And after seeing all the differences, the good and the bad, I think high school (like most things, right?) is what you make of it.
In Europe they tend to treat you like adults expectation-wise which is difficult. They focus a lot on content.
In the US they tend to babysit you too much, give you less info (they don’t go in depth).
I prefer the US system because even if I feel like American students lack knowledge and culture sometimes (you’re giving them this already with all the trips and such), if you need support it is always offered (non-honors levels, teachers always answer emails and stay afterschool for questions…) and if you want to try harder you can do that too (AP classes, student government, start a club…)

]]>
By: Val http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444067 Val Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:02:17 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444067 Great article! I can’t wait to share it with my 17-year old daughter who will be a senior next year. I was especially struck by the research surrounding the breakfast club identifications. The author found that at 24, the group that identified themselves as princesses had lower self-esteem than the girls that identified themselves as brainy, and and deduced that:

“While those brainy girls were in high school, they couldn’t rely on their strengths to gain popularity, perhaps, but they could rely on them as fuel, as sources of private esteem. Out of high school, they suddenly had agency, whereas the princesses were still relying on luck and looks and public opinion to carry them through, just as they had at 16. They’d learned passivity, and it’d stuck.”

I was one of those “brainy” kids who absolutely hated the high school dynamic, but I do find that I have much more self-esteem than I did in HS, and as I read this part of the article, it really rang true. I’ve been trying to help my own girls find their own source of self-esteem so that they can be strong amazing women during HS and beyond.

]]>
By: Jenni Bailey http://www.designmom.com/2013/03/high-school/comment-page-1/#comment-444066 Jenni Bailey Tue, 12 Mar 2013 21:54:58 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=32560#comment-444066 I absolutely agree with that! I’ve told my husband to watch out because I am in no way married to the idea of keeping my kids in “traditional” school after 5th grade…if we even make it that far. I understand the need to learn social capability but I don’t actually think that all of the socialization that goes on is positive.

]]>