Comments on: Sex Ed, Part 2 http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/ The Intersection of Design & Motherhood Wed, 22 Oct 2014 15:20:47 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Amanda http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-883709 Amanda Tue, 08 Apr 2014 22:22:05 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-883709 Hello. I had to come back here, to this post. Last night was part two in a mini-series of conversations with my eldest about bodies and babies. It was a post of yours that first planted the seed for me that this day would come.

I found myself so incredibly awed by the beauty of this tender transition. Such an honor to be beside children as they go through the stages of fear, wonder, and celebration as they travel from little to, well, not so little, readier to be big.

It may not make sense, but just know that your openness and your light made a difference. Thank you.

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By: Mporteus http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-449694 Mporteus Thu, 28 Mar 2013 10:48:08 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-449694 My 6 yr old had been asking pointed questions,”but HOW do you get the baby in there?”after consulting with other parents I decided I could tell her directly,plainly without the emotional volume turned way up ,on my end.So I started with the mommy has the egg & daddy has the seed. And She chimed in with and you get real close belly to belly ?.I said yes.She said “just like sea horses?”I said absolutely! And she said that’s nice I thought so! And satisfied walked off.
My friend sent me this link and I have ordered the book I have a feeling more conversations will follow.
I do like the seahorses idea though.

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By: Emily http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-395133 Emily Wed, 10 Oct 2012 03:57:48 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-395133 After the talk with our 8-yr-old Max, his one question was:
“You do that when we’re HOME?!”

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By: Ann http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-383789 Ann Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:20:29 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-383789 Thank you so much for the book recommendations! I learned about sex from kids in my 3rd grade class. I would have preferred to hear about it from my parents. Once my parents realized that I learned about sex at school, they were shocked to be having that conversation with me in the 3rd grade. They thought they wouldn’t have to discuss it until jr high. I don’t want to start the conversation with my child too early, but I want to make sure the information comes from me rather than from kids at school.

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By: Catherine http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-382371 Catherine Sun, 16 Sep 2012 01:31:49 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-382371 I remember thinking the same thing as Maude. I ran through families I knew in my head to think about how many times the parents had “done it.” I was shocked to think that the parents of a family of 8 children I knew had done it 8 times!

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By: Joe http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-382103 Joe Sat, 15 Sep 2012 15:16:41 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-382103 from the beginning of the post i has a hunch you would mention the book “where did i come from”! i was introduced to this topic with that same book, and my husband and i recently bought it for his nephew for his 10th birthday cause he had started asking his mom about where babies come from and she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. the moment he opened the present he went to his room, closed the door and read the whole thing through. i cannot recomment that book enough! i also like that it explains how a baby grows in the womb, what it’s like to give birth (this would be interesting for a big-sibling-to-be) and why we have belly buttons :)

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By: Becky http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-381598 Becky Fri, 14 Sep 2012 21:03:42 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-381598 I love that you guys do it together. My mom took me aside and had “the talk” with just me but I think it’s important for your child to feel comfortable talking to mom OR dad. I’ll have to check that book out. Thanks for the tips!

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By: Rynell http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-381364 Rynell Fri, 14 Sep 2012 14:49:26 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-381364 I’ve really liked using the book, Growing Up, by Brad Wilcox. It helps a lot with all sorts of questions, but is geared toward kids just about to hit puberty. It’s thorough and helps kids understand the changes in their bodies in addition to sex. It’s got a great conversational tone for that age group. The Eyres are fantastic and I love that their book is well suited for younger kids. It seems like a great way to begin this process of sex education.

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By: Lindsay http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379936 Lindsay Thu, 13 Sep 2012 12:42:36 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379936 I didn’t plan on having any talk about where baby came from until I had a child who was at least 3 or 4, but when little brother decided to make a swift entrance and was born at home, my eldest daughter (day before her 2nd birthday) learned anyway. It wasn’t until a few months later when she wanted to pretend to “take mommy to the hospital in a big car” that I realized we needed to talk about the event that had occurred. We have had many conversations about “Mommy was crying and crying and talking really loud, and then the baby came and he was crying and crying.” It is burned in her memory where babies come from (birthing)…hopefully, I have at least a couple more years before we talk about the actual mechanics of sex.

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By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379507 Design Mom Wed, 12 Sep 2012 20:37:18 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379507 “that sex is somehow a sacred matter, and that you have to feel completely comfortable with yourself and your body and the person you have it with. And that being very experienced at an early age is no advantage to anybody. And that being a late starter is a good thing.”

I really love how you put that, Maike. And I totally agree! I hope I’m teaching this to my children.

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By: Design Mom http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379503 Design Mom Wed, 12 Sep 2012 20:35:54 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379503 Oh my goodness! I never connected that it’s the same author. Too funny!

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By: Maike http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379465 Maike Wed, 12 Sep 2012 19:24:43 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379465 That’s pretty much how I know it from my childhood, I never got THE TALK – we just talked about it.
I grew up in a very liberal environment in Germany. But the only thing I would say is that around me, sex was treated super casual up to the point that I was always the suspicious one, being 14 or 15 and not interested in kissing boys or fooling around with them. I hope my daughter never feels pressured like I did, I would like to add something to the liberal attitude of my teachers and parents, and that is, that sex is somehow a sacred matter, and that you have to feel completely comfortable with yourself and your body and the person you have it with. And that being very experienced at an early age is no advantage to anybody. And that being a late starter is a good thing. If it feels right for you.
But that talk comes a little bit later. :-)

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By: Claudia from Rio http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379423 Claudia from Rio Wed, 12 Sep 2012 18:17:15 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379423 Hi Gabrielle,
Thanks for the tips! My kids started getting very curious at around age 7, and although I did not have the same ritual as going to a restaurant and having a more serious conversation (ours was in the shower very matter of factly), but I did use a book that my mom used when I got curious about it (http://www.amazon.com/babies-Andrew-Schepp-Illustrated-Hampton/dp/B0018JVVPK/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1347473579&sr=1-2&keywords=Andrew+C.+Andry%2C+Steven+Schepp). I tried not to make a big deal out of it, and talk about it as if it was very natural and nothing to be worried about.
But changing subjects, I thought it was quite a coincidence, but Peter Mayle also wrote another book that is very much like your experience in France: “A Year in Provence”, which my husband read before we took a cycling vacation there. Pretty interesting, huh?
Thanks as always for always bringing up such interesting things in you blog!
Claudia

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By: Sarah http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379142 Sarah Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:17:09 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379142 My parents had a copy of that book all ready and waiting for me when I got old enough. . .unfortunately I found it as an (advanced reader) 6 year old (in the mid-90′s) when playing hide and seek and read the whole thing before anyone found me! Cleared up that problem for them though!

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By: Angela http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-379139 Angela Wed, 12 Sep 2012 09:09:24 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-379139 My 4 year old and i have been talking about it on and off for a few months now, as her questions arise. Because she is little, she asks me questions i am sure she would be too embarassed to raise once she’s 8 or 9. She has nothing to feel embarassed about, I’m the one who trys to act cool. Like a lot of aspects of her life i want to help shape her views until she is old enough to form her own opinions. So far it feels we’re on the right track. Take it as it comes.

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By: Kathryn http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-378973 Kathryn Wed, 12 Sep 2012 02:33:30 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-378973 This is a great post. We’ve discussed things with our kids, but I need to go back and revisit with them. The first time we talked about it with our son he woke me up at 5 am the next day to ask how it felt when sperm came out of the penis (he was four). After I got over my sleepy shock, I told him I don’t answer penis questions before 7 am :)

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By: Katie Gnau http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-378949 Katie Gnau Wed, 12 Sep 2012 01:34:30 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-378949 Thank you so much for writing this post.

Like you, I never really got any information from my parents. Once, during junior high, my mom took me aside and said, “watch out for boys, they only want one thing.” I had a vague idea that she meant sex but didn’t really get it. I think I finally learned about the mechanics from Cosmo magazine – awful.

I noticed that many of your commenters said they just talk about it naturally with their children, from a young age. I have a young daughter and love the idea of this approach but honestly can’t even wrap my head around out how that would work… What do you say? When? What’s an example of a natural opening in the conversation for that?? Do you give the information slowly over time or just wait for an opportunity then spill it?

I want to do better for my daughter than my parents did for me in this regard and can’t think of a better way to prepare and discuss options with my husband than reading a variety of ways other parents have approached this issue…

Any chance you can find some guest posters to share the various ways they’ve talked with their kids about sex? Help a mama out Design Mom!

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By: Melissa L. http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-378935 Melissa L. Wed, 12 Sep 2012 01:12:48 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-378935 My son is 6 and my daughter is 3. We watched a giraffe being born on a PBS nature program. I commented on how the baby giraffe drops from a height of 6 feet – as high as their dad is tall. My son asked, “Mom, what hole did I come out of?” I had to keep from laughing and I just told him the short answer, and he was satisfied. Meanwhile my daughter also knows the real names for her body parts, and always asks questions loudly when we are in public (especially bathrooms!). I just remind her that this isn’t conversation for when we are out and about, and I’m thankful her childish lisp keeps her words from being perfectly clear. I think we’re going to just answer their questions as they come along, but I do want to get the book & I appreciate having an age guideline – my own mother told my brother & I about sex when we were 8 & 6 because there was a lot of stuff in the news about a particular victimized child and she figured we were better off knowing too much than too little. I think that was one of her top parenting decisions.

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By: NOLALeBlanc http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-378925 NOLALeBlanc Wed, 12 Sep 2012 00:52:19 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-378925 I have a friend who was prosecutor before retiring to mommyhood. She is adamant that you should teach children the correct names for body parts. She said it is unfortunate that bad things do happen to children and they need to have the proper vocabulary.

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By: Lynnette http://www.designmom.com/2012/09/sex-ed-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-378905 Lynnette Wed, 12 Sep 2012 00:04:52 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12750#comment-378905 This post is perfect timing for me. My son has been asking about body parts (he’s 7) and just the other day he said, “why are private parts private?”. It’s time.
It’s also comforting to know I’m not the only one who never got a word about sex from my parents, and sex Ed at school was non-existent too. I’m determined to make it a better experience for my kids, but really didn’t know where to start. So thank you for sharing what you’ve done, and for these resources! Definitely going to check them out.

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