Comments on: Ask Design Mom: Preparing Siblings for New Baby http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/ The Intersection of Design & Motherhood Tue, 13 May 2014 00:58:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Megan Trueblood http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287410 Megan Trueblood Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:43:22 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287410 When my sister had her second child she had a gift waiting at the hospital for her first child, Caleb. When Caleb got there she told him the baby had brought him a present. He thought his new little sister was pretty cool and their relationship was off to a good start. My other sister has done this too and it is always a great first impression!

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By: Melissa Walsh http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287375 Melissa Walsh Wed, 03 Aug 2011 17:30:25 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287375 Out of necessity, my daughter accompanied me to every OBGYN appointment during my 2nd pregnancy. I made each visit a special event complete with a trip to the donut shop and lollipops. Hearing her sister’s heartbeat, seeing her on the ultrasound machine and helping the doctors measure my belly helped to make her sister a reality for her. After nine months of these exciting trips with me to go check on our new baby, she was completely ready to welcome her sister into our family.

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By: Pamela Balabuszko-Reay http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287324 Pamela Balabuszko-Reay Wed, 03 Aug 2011 13:24:27 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287324 I am the mom of two kiddos- both through adoption. When our daughter was a few weeks shy of four our son came literally overnight. No warning. His was a last minute placement. We had been preparing our daughter for an eventual sibling but for a three-year-old and no pregnant mommy it was a hard concept for her to grasp. She did pick out a blankie bear for her brother or sister and put it in the crib in preparation about six months before her brother came. She was very proud that her brother picked it as his favorite lovey later on. She also named her upcoming sibling “Tree”. We always refered to her someday sib as Tree. When we told her that the new baby in the house was Tree she was shocked. Reality and the concept of a someday sib were very different. I honestly think that it is that way for most kids however their sibs come. I think that the other moms and women who have posted have had some fab suggestions about how to smoothe the transition. What I would add is that there are gifts in the points of discomfort for our bigger kids. They learn all kinds of life lessons during this experience. Being patient, what it means to help, living through frustration, dealing with the attention being on someone else. They are so resilient. And they are loved. That may be the ultimate lesson. That there is more than enough love to go around. One transition that no one mentioned before I became the mom of two kids is that I would mourn the loss of the relationship that I had with my daughter before my son came. I missed the one- on- one relationship we had. Who knew? I was so focused on how she would feel about the changes. Of course I got to see new sides of my daughter that made me love her all the more when she took on the role of big sis. My kids are now almost 5 and almost 9. They are typical sibs- they play together, love each other wildly and fight like cats and dogs. The bottom line for me is that we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make the situation painless. It won’t be- but there is going to be an awful lot of love around! All the best to you as your family grows.

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By: Jennifer http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287320 Jennifer Wed, 03 Aug 2011 10:57:53 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287320 Our son turned 3 just one month after our daughter was born. I really believe that preparation completely depends on the individual child. Andrew has always had a huge desire to help and make people happy so we had him help fasten the diaper tabs, grab me a blanket and anything else he could do but we never made it manditory. I also made sure that I gave him extra hugs and cuddle time whenever I could. I think it’s important to let you child be who they are and love them for it even in the midst of so much change.

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By: Nina http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287310 Nina Wed, 03 Aug 2011 01:35:53 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287310 I had my children do a few fun projects for the baby. They made onesies for him. Just with rubber stamps and fabric paint. They also went to build a bear and made a stuffed bear for him which they brought to the hospital the first time they met him. We also made a counting down chain with links of scrap paper, since it was a scheduled c section I thought the vissual would be helpful. The baby also had gifts for his older sister and brother for each day they came to visit in the hospital. For example my son got the book “a pocketfull of kisses” one day, a stuffed raccoon the next, a bag of Hershey kisses, etc….. You can read more on my blog.

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By: Karen M http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287306 Karen M Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:49:21 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287306 I got my two kiddos in one pregnancy, so I don’t have first hand advice. But… I have always heard about reading books to the Big Brother/Big Sister to prepare them for new sibling’s arrival. Just today we took a trip to the library and one of my girls selected a very cute book called “Not Yet, Rose” by Susanna Leonard Hill. It was so cute and by the end of it I half expected my girls to ask if/when I could have a baby!

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By: Lee http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287303 Lee Tue, 02 Aug 2011 23:57:25 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287303 The best advice I heard is to include our daughter (who was 3 1/2) in everything- every diaper change, every bath, etc. It was time consuming but so worth it.

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By: Val http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287299 Val Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:58:59 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287299 My oldest just turned 5 and I am expecting my 5th in a few months. I always made them involved in the process.

So when the baby was the size of a grapefruit – I showed them one.
When the baby was the size of a kiwi same thing.

When the baby finally comes we will all together find something that weighs the same as baby. The kids also make the new baby a book all about our life.

So when #2, #3, #4 all came they got a handmade book about what we do and what we like and how to be the perfect family addition. We are currently working on the last book for #5.

I have never dealt with jealousy issues probably because they are all 15 or more months apart. :)

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By: Beth http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287295 Beth Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:18:30 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287295 LOVE this idea. Baby #2 is coming any day, and I will definitely use this with my 2.5 year old daughter – thanks for sharing!

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By: Laura Zarrin http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287293 Laura Zarrin Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:01:25 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287293 My kids are also 3 1/2 years apart. I spent the pregnancy telling my son that his new brother would look up to him and that he needed to watch over him. I gave him the task of showing him how to play, crawl, walk. I said all he needed to do was to demonstrate. I told him Little bro would always want to do what ‘bubba’ was doing. He also helped pick the name we used. I said he’d have a friend for life. It worked. My youngest always wants to be like his brother, but is happily, his own man. He learned to crawl and walk quickly because he’d want to go after his big brother. When he learned each new milestone, we’d tell the oldest, “See, he learned from watching you!”. I wanted them to be close and they always have been. They’re now 10 & 13.

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By: Amy W http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287288 Amy W Tue, 02 Aug 2011 20:58:14 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287288 I have a three year old and a six month old. I was so nervous how my oldest would react. I tried to really prep her. We talked about it non-stop, this baby became HER baby too, we talked about what she got to do to help the baby when he came, we read books, got toys for her to play with only while I nursed, she brought a gift for him to the hospital and he “gave” one to her also (which she still talks about), and I have had to just make sure that I get a little bit of alone time with her–and make it special, so that she knows she isn’t on the back burner.

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By: Tonya http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287272 Tonya Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:39:11 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287272 Our local hospital had a special “big brother/sister” class that my two older children attended. They learned all about the crying, how to hold a baby, to be careful of the face and soft spot on the head, what to expect in general. It was very empowering for them. They received pins that said ” I’m going to be a big brother!” that they proudly wore, certificates to hang on the wall and a little goodie bag.
We also had them talk to my belly often. It was amazing when they came to the hospital to visit for the first time, the baby heard their voices and turned his head to find them. Loved it. It helped all of them to understand that this tiny baby knew them already.

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By: Katie http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287271 Katie Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:33:19 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287271 We’re getting into this a little bit. I’ve been trying to play with both my girls (18.5 months apart) and the toys and that seems to help. When I’m not playing with them, my older one has been more willing to share. Not always though!

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By: Katie http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287270 Katie Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:31:00 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287270 My daughters are 18.5 months apart. The oldest one, Holly, just turned 2. I made sure that I wasn’t holding the baby, Greta, at the hospital when Holly came in. And then she got to hold Greta with me. I also gave Holly a doll.

Now, I make sure to tell Holly that Greta loves her as much as possible and point out when Greta is smiling or laughing at Holly. Holly adores Greta and has always been really sweet and kind to her. I think the biggest thing is that if Holly knows Greta loves her than Holly will love Greta. And Greta really does love Holly, she just can’t express it!

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By: christina http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287268 christina Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:19:54 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287268 I had my older daughter make her baby sister a book – I bought all of the components at the craft store so there were lots of fun things to glue, color, etc. And I had her ‘introduce’ each family member and tell about them on each page, there was a page for the babies room, and how she would be born etc. I wrote it all as my daughter told it then when she visited at the hospital she read it to her sister.

We also focus on all the things she can do and the baby can’t do when she gets frustrated about food, or a toy, etc.

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By: Miss Stovetop http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287261 Miss Stovetop Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:08:03 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287261 This post made me go back and see all of the posts around and after June’s birth – the portraits, the homecoming, the birth story, her eating solid food … everything! Can’t believe she’s almost 15 months already :) And mine almost 5

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By: Carey http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287259 Carey Tue, 02 Aug 2011 18:56:51 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287259 We didn’t make a big deal as younger siblings were born. My husband’s son was 6 when our first daughter was born and 8 when the second came along. There never seemed to be any real jealousy or insecurity going on… I like to think that because we didn’t look for it, it didn’t show up.

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By: Jacqueline http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287253 Jacqueline Tue, 02 Aug 2011 18:11:49 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287253 My middle child was six when her baby sister was born. She had nothing but love for her, but boy did she give us a hard time. She wouldn’t speak to the visitors that came to see her sister. She locked the doors if one of us went outside to fetch something. She would call someone up from the basement or down from the second floor saying that the other needed them immediately–only to find out that the other parent did not call. She did dangerous things too for attention, like trying to stand on the handlebars of her bicycle or climbing onto the roof of the car. The danger seeking behaviors ended after about three months. The need for non-stop attention from my husband has not ended–it’s been four years! As a mom, I find this behavior very tiring and it has effected my relationship with her– and with my husband because I feel he dismisses much of her behavior. I suppose the security she seeks is beyond human measure. Thank goodness my husband is far more patient and giving. He refers to her non-stop need for attention as pester-power. However, she is a very kind and patient sister. She has great love for her little sis and is always thinking of her. I’m happy about that.

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By: Bri (like the cheese) http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287250 Bri (like the cheese) Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:49:07 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287250 We also had a freshly-three-year-old when our second child arrived. We talked about ‘our’ baby. I pointed out other children about her age who had a baby sibling to get her excited. It helped that her cousin, who is three weeks older than she is, had a new brother arrive only six months before hers. So it was a natural family progression for her to ‘get her baby brother too.’ We talked about all of the things she knows how to do that a baby wouldn’t know that she could help teach him.
She was also present when her brother was born. I know this idea might be a little much to some who think of birth as this bloody, violent, scream-inducing thing, but it doesn’t have to be, and having her there helped me keep my cool. And now she knows where babies come from because she’s seen it.
One thing I wish I had done differently was in handling the choking hazard clean-up. She was finally at the age where she was old enough to have toys with small parts, so I told her she had to make sure never to leave small toys out because George might eat them. Apparently this left her with the impression that this baby was going to be a ravenous toy-ingesting machine. I wish I had emphasized that the toys could hurt her brother, rather than the other way around!!
My favorite moment while pregnant with my second was when, testing my daughter, I said to her, “What am I thinking, we don’t need another baby, we have you.” Her response floored me, “But mommy! He’s our BABY! We have to keep him and love him FOREVER!”

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By: julia http://www.designmom.com/2011/08/ask-design-mom-preparing-siblings-for-new-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-287248 julia Tue, 02 Aug 2011 17:32:30 +0000 http://www.designmom.com/?p=12698#comment-287248 My son was great when his little sister was born – but now she’s about ready to crawl and he wiggs out every time she touches his “things.”
Adapting to the small immobile crying baby was much easier than the mobile, drooling, babbling person who wants to eat all of his toys.

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