Comments on: Ask Design Mom — Having Another Child

By: kalle

kalle — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:41:02 +0000

I just read Eva’s comment above, and it makes me very wistful… would really appreciate any advice, especially from older mom’s (I am late thirties, had one miscarriage and am feeling rather desperate, husband isn’t really helping….??)

By: kalle

kalle — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 18:35:40 +0000

Loved reading everyone’s “plans”, very sweet and comforting to know what other women have gone through. I am just wondering though, please tell me how you can afford having more than 1-2 children? After we both got degrees, we are still paying off loans and paying a lot in rent for a rather small but expensive house. I”m in Canada, and would sincerely like to hear how finances played a part in deciding to have children. I am yearning for babies, but it looks like I may have to be through adoption….perhaps living expenses or maybe salaries are higher in the US? Thanks much love from a sad and curious girl…

By: Heather Craw

Heather Craw — Mon, 11 Feb 2013 01:03:19 +0000

I wonder all the time whether to have one more child. I love the three I have so dearly, wouldn’t just one more make our family that much happier? The problem is, I’m 35. Actually, the real problem may be that my husband is 39.

The scientific community used to think only the woman’s age really mattered since her eggs have been with her since birth, but men continue to produce sperm throughout their lives. Unfortunately, it turns out more and more trisomies and “soft birth defects”, problems like schizophrenia, depression and possibly autism that don’t manifest until childhood or early adulthood, are being linked to paternal age. As a woman of faith, I believe in a plan, but I also believe that statistical probability is no respecter of faith.

I’ve tried to hash out my personal struggle with the question of having another baby on my blog a number of times. Sometimes I wonder if the two miscarriages I had are the same little person who wants to be part of our family. Sometimes I think no matter how many children I ended up having, I will always wonder if I should have had one more.

By: Elena

Elena — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 09:56:21 +0000

I am sorry your husband is reacting like that. Whst do you think it is triggering that reaction? Is he affraid for your health?
Getting mad about something could be a indicator of fear, something he cant control and scares him, It is easier for us ladies to speak up about our thoughts and feelings, but some guys have hard time acknowledging or elaborating what they feel…

By: Taylor

Taylor — Thu, 17 May 2012 02:31:43 +0000

How can I talk to my husband about having another child? we have one already and planned on waiting a few years for the second. i was more then fine with that until i had a miscarriage a few months back. I didn’t realize how bad i wanted a second one until it was gone. now every time i bring up, or even mention having another one, he completely flips out and gets really pissed off. it’s not like we can’t afford it, and we have great health care, how can i even talk to him about this with out getting him so mad?

By: Auntie#1

Auntie#1 — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:30:39 +0000

Do my ‘part’ that is…not ‘par’

By: Auntie#1

Auntie#1 — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:29:25 +0000

31, almost 32 and single…I want to be married and have lots of babies but that has yet to happen…I’m confident that, as many have mentioned, Our Heavenly Father has a perfect plan of happiness for each of us! Children truly are ‘an heritage of the Lord!’. As I hope for, wait for, and do my par; I trust in the Lord. I have the awesome opportunity to develop talents, be the best aunt to my nieces and nephews, and enjoy my career as a school teacher-teaching kiddoes now for ten years! Life is Good!

By: Molly W.

Molly W. — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 15:03:28 +0000

I always thought I would have 3 kids, then I had 1. I had a pretty rough pregnancy (to say the least) and my baby arrived 2 months early. Due to insurance, etc… we’ve not had another. Now my daughter is 5 and I’m at a place where starting over doesn’t seem like something I want to do. Also we still have the same insurance issues (ie no one will ensure me for a pregnancy due to all my trouble w/ my last one) so I really feel like the choice to have another has been taken out of my hands. Thankfully God is so good and I am happy with where we’re at.

By: How many kids is right for me? | | Becoming youBecoming you

How many kids is right for me? | | Becoming youBecoming you — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:02:57 +0000

[...] Having another child @ Design Mom [...]

By: Eva

Eva — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 00:15:38 +0000

I stumbled upon this and am fascinated by everyone’s reply. I am now 56 years old and these stories bumped me back to my early twenties as we were contemplating all this. I had my first when I was 21, as planned, was nursing him and feeling VERY tired. Found out I got pregnant with #2 and didn’t know it until I was 4 months along. Was devastated b/c I was so sick with #1. Didn’t get sick once, delivered #2 when #1 was 14 months. I then went on to wait 3 years in between the
next two, then 6 years went by and had #5. B/c #1 and #2 were so close, I never ever had whiny kids. They entertained each other. I never had bored kids hanging on my legs wanting me to do something with them. They also learned all the important life lessons because we were poor and had to share and we couldn’t afford two cars. All five have turned out to be Wonderful adults. The oldest two have 3 master’s degrees between them. The third is in med school. The fourth is working on a second college degree and the fifth is in her Senior year in college. They love getting together. Everywhere we went was an adventure, even though the fighting drove me crazy. They grew out of it. One of my sons loved coming from a large family so much that he and his wife have 7. They PLANNED on six, but #6 turned out to be twin boys. They are such a joy to me. I wish families would go back to they were like in the 50′s when I was young and have 8 – 10 children. You would have no “entitlement” attitude and they’d be smarter from all the problem-solving. Just a rant from a 56 year old. Thanks

By: The BabbyMama

The BabbyMama — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:29:43 +0000

This subject is SO on my mind right now. We’d always planned on two (well, once the hub got over his initial reluctance to have any, heh) and then when I got pregnant with twins after we had one, we suddenly were pleasantly reconciled to three. Cue my miscarriage *sigh* and then we were plunged into a kind of darkness. Suddenly it was clear we needed to wait for financial reasons. Suddenly, I was back in the “real” workplace. Now we’re trying to figure out what is right or best or right for right now. I want another and would actually like three, but I think the hub’s mind is back at two. We’ll see, I guess. I’ve just been putting it out of my brain lately by putting it into God’s hands, if you know what I mean.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 09:22:44 +0000

Love the photos! We had 5 children in 9 years, I was 39 when I had my youngest, who is now 17. It’s so good to have all these beautiful young energetic people in my life! May God bless you and your family!

By: Kiesha

Kiesha — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 13:04:33 +0000

Wow! Loved reading all the stories! These questions have always been hard for me to answer…I am the oldest of 14! In my family there was No family planning…and it was considered the “best way to do it”. And to make matters worse…I enjoyed growing up in a big family, but have never been certain I would follow suit. Then I married a Samoan…average Samoan family size 8 children…In that culture the bigger the family, the better! Let just say PRESSURE! I knew I wanted 1 child for sure but couldn’t decide when, so we decided not to do anything and see “when” it would happen…six years later I had a baby boy. After having him I knew I wanted 1 more because I couldn’t imagine him being an only child…I loved my siblings…I couldn’t decide “when” again so we let it happen and now prego with #2 (another boy) my boys will be exactly 18 months apart…Whew!…I don’t know what the future holds but I have learned to answer people when they ask me “how many children I want” I just say “1 at a time!” We will see what happens!

By: Fancy

Fancy — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 14:41:51 +0000

This page makes me slightly sad. My husband and I got married when I was 21 and he was 22. We were both still in school, but I thought we would have lots of babies. I have always wanted a big family (4-6 kids) and my husband is okay with just 2 kids. I thought because we were getting married so young that we would have plenty of time to have a big family. Well, fast forward 11 years. Still no children, not for lack of trying though, and currently have been waiting to adopt for 2 years.

My husband says he is okay with having lots of children, if we can afford them. Since it looks like we will be adopting all of our children, it doesn’t seem like we will be able to afford a big family….plus, with the amount of time it takes just to adopt one….I don’t want to be an old mom….Sigh…. My dreams are being shattered.

By: Joan

Joan — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:03:53 +0000

Can I just say that I find this page terribly funny? Oh, “the best laid plans”!!!

My plan? Date my boyfriend forever, get married at 34 and commence to churning out 4 babies, back to back. The reality? Had the first one (who is the light of my life, by the way!), went “OH CRAP! What have I done?!”, and vowed to never have another. Which I didn’t.

I’m not sure how I feel about the way things turned out. Sometimes I love our tiny family, and sometimes I cry over the ones we didn’t have.

By: Joanne

Joanne — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 18:01:37 +0000

You are still very young as far as childbearing goes. Don’t think it is the end to turn 21. I had similar thoughts and didn’t marry until 38 and got pregnant two weeks after despit the Dr.s telling me it might take much longer than someone in their 20s. It is important to find the right one for you. You don’t have to do everything like your Mum did. As far as only having one ovary- if it is healthy, you can seek out medical help to increase your chances of pregnancy when the time comes. Don’t worry, give yourself time and keep hope.

By: Shameme Adams

Shameme Adams — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 05:21:47 +0000

Good luck with all your children!! but for me i’ve only ever wanted one. I adore travelling and due to financial restriants haven’t seen as many countries as i’de like but seen a bit of the world and would like to see more!. Once i’ve ticked them off i’de love to just have the one. I’m sure children are expensive and i’m an only child myself and loved it!!. I do have some medical problems too and am not the strongest of women. For social reasons too i haven’t found the right man, i loved a lad fairly recently and he just ended up breaking my heart :( so i must be ment to be an older Mum!. I’m 30 but look about 18 so i think i’m living like an 18 year old in some ways! but if i don’t find the right person by 35 or 36 i’ll probalay adopt my baby. I have friends who have adopted and it’s really worked out for them. My Mum had me when she was almost 36 so maybe i’ll follow her!. I respect everyones choices and hope you all make the right ones for you!!.

By: Joanne

Joanne — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 18:53:38 +0000

That’s great! I was 38 and pregnant with my first but my ob DID consider me high risk based on age. I was actually good up ’til the end of month 6 when I started to develop pre eclampsia. All went well though and I have a beautiful daughter. I always wanted a 2nd and surprisingly conceived at 45 last fall. Sadly, I miscarried early but I’m sure there was a good reason. It wasn’t meant to be. Good luck!

By: Laura

Laura — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 20:25:48 +0000

Its so strange, to read about all this baby stuff. I grew up in the UK in seventies when feminism was massive and and adventure was the name of the game.

A girl at my school got pregnant at 16, and they had to design a maternity uniform just for her. Everyone would say ‘There goes Kelly, you don’t want to be like her!’ it seemed the worst fate. To end up on a council estate with kids coming out of your ears. ‘Travel and see the world said my Dad” ‘whatever you do, don’t get bogged down with kids in your twenties’ said my mum.
I was determined not to be like Kelly. Young mums were pitied by me and my peers. They had wasted their lives,squandered all their opportunities.

At 17,However, me and my BF had ‘an accident’. A split condom…soon, I knew. I was up the duff. A bun in the oven. The terror! We went to a young peoples help clinic and a very clandestine abortion was arranged. I told no-one, not my parents or friends. Afterwards the relief was incredible…I felt as if the staff at the clinic had given me my future back, all wrapped up in a pretty box with ribbon – here’s your life back – go and live it. In the autumn I went off to university and started living. After that I traveled. All over India and southeast asia for four years.I fulfilled all my ambitions and had a wonderful time. I met my hasband when i was 24, in India and we married at 26. I thought this seemed very young to settle down! We didn’t want kids, either of us.We were comitted to our lifestyle of working for long enough to save to go travelling, then keep going as long as we could.Now, in our forties, we still travel with our little business selling indian stuff, and can’t imagine another lifestyle. But sometimes, I look at people with kids, and I wonder…what would it have been like? would it have been soooo dreadful? Very few of my peers have kids. I hardly know what to say to children, which is shameful really I suppose. I blame it on the spirit our the age I grew up in, and have very few regrets. But reading stuff like this does make me wonder about a whole other world I may have missed out on.

Oh well…in another life!

By: Aleksandra

Aleksandra — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 22:40:16 +0000

I do agree Lorraine! I love being a mother. Hope, I’d make a good grandma:)
I got married when I was 21 and my husband 23. We got our first son the same year. Then we had a long break as we thought we should focus on our careers a bit. Our second son arrived almost 11 years later and it was something amazing. I was bananas about him! I appeciated the mature motherhood. We took the plunge and in a little over than a year I got pregnant again. Unfortunately, this time I lost my baby boy in 5th month. I’m 34 now and we want to have more children.
When I look at my friends, it’s definitely easier for the parents to have longer break between the children. Especially during their first 2-3 years. Our older son is a great help and the relationship the boys have is a pleasure to watch. Still, a real mental contact between them will be possible not earlier than in 20 years time I guess.