Advice for women who are too pregnant to function anymore:
Inevitably your husband will come home to find you unable to move under the weight of this gigantic fetus you are carrying and will want to know why the house is a mess and dinner isn’t made and then you’ll want to stab him because this is all his fault but you don’t have the energy to find a clean knife.
And you’ll want to explain how completely exhausting being pregnant is but men never understand so whenever Victor would say “How can you be tired? You hardly did anything today!” I’d respond, “I made someone’s ear canals today. Inside my stomach. Without even using my hands. What did you do today? Paperwork? God, how exhausting. I MADE SOMEONE’S NERVOUS SYSTEM.”
Then my husband would walk away, suitably impressed. Or scared. Either way he left me alone. And this is how you have a successful marriage.
from Jenny the Bloggess.
{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
Too funny!
ha ha! this is hilarious! i'm totally going to read this to my husband.
Too funny! And by funny, I mean TRUE! I'll excuse my pregnant friends almost anything – they're growing a second brain!!
I didn't make dinner because I was too busy building an esophagus. I am going to milk this for the next four months until I pop this baby out. BEST. ADVICE. EVER.
PS: I don't think it often gets overlooked that in addition to being witty and hilarious, The Bloggess is also very pretty!
Love it!
Barchbo, I was thinking the same thing. The Bloggess is gorgeous.
Smart + funny + pretty = Jenny is a triple threat.
I am pregnant with #4 right now, and have used that same phrase on my husband through all 4 pregnancies. Him: "What did you do today?". Me: "Made ears and eyes. How about you?". He also was impressed. Love it!
Suddenly those books with notes about what develops make sense! Too bad I'm not having any more kids.
I really love all these posts. I love that motherhood is cool here. And celebrated. And childbirth and morning sickness and being too large to move are cherished memories.
Thank you!
hahahaha, The Bloggess in true form, as always.
I have to remember this for the next time I get knocked up.
True story:
One day, while sitting on my big, fat, pregnant ass (actually it wasn't all that big and fat yet, I think I was about 15 weeks) at work a male coworker jokingly kept poking fun at me for sitting around doing nothing. I finally gave him the PREGNANT LADY GLARE OF DEATH and said, "I'm making a human. What did YOU do today?!"
And then everyone laughed at him and I gave everyone high fives.
That all actually happened, minus the high-fives.
The high fives might have happened in my head, though.
A friend of mine the other day was feeling guilty that her husband was building a crib and a rocking horse and she "hadn't made anything for the baby". I reminded her that she was MAKING the BABY and she felt better. :-)
you're friggin amazing. writing this down for future reference. RIGHT NOW.
I never thought of that! What a great way to explain it to someone. I so missed the boat on this!
Unlurking to say – Dead on! Where were you when I was preggers? I would have just sent my husband to your site!
I would laugh except this makes me wanna cry. Why is it that husbands are the only ones who don't say to you "your pregnant woman, take it easy" Oh noooooooo. A bit a sore point today after I lugged 3 loads groceries to the basement storage while hubby dressed the kids for bed. I think those tasks should have been reversed:(
yup, i'll be using that on my dh tonight ;) love it!
truth. they have no idea how difficult it is to make eyelashes and fingernails. no idea whatsoever.
Ah, it's good to know that I too have a successful marriage. So funny and totally relatable. ;)
I'm going in to deliver tomorrow… 5am. Wish I could have thought of this during the last month!
Oh, I love Jenny! Good reminder, although I don't plan on making a baby again any time soon, I am still making breastmilk, however. And it is exhausting.
Steph
Daddy here, going to have my wife read this so she knows I read it:)
so true. that has to be why pregnancy is so exhausting.
LOL Awesome!!!
So funny! I'm definitely going to remember this.
I'm going to get preggers just so I can say, "I MADE SOMEONE'S NERVOUS SYSTEM and win an argument for once.
Oh dear, this is TOO funny – I laughed out loud!
And I agree with Barchbo – wish I looked that fantastic after having my babies!
Bah hahahahaha! I love this! And being 36 weeks pregnant I'm taking it home to show my husband. : )
Leave me alone. I'm busy building a nervous system. *snerk*
Jenny you crack me up–if your husband won't hang around I will. Just for the fun.
this is the best!
love it! i was laughing the whole time and then had to share it with my mom.
thanks for sharing!
:)
oh man, can i relate to all these pregnancy memories…I am 9 months pregnant and oh so ready to pop! keep them coming!
I teared up I laughed so hard. I finished my pregnancy 4 months ago but I still feel that way! ha ha
Thank you for the great laugh! Rest as much as you can and take care of yourself!
Really Funny!
I hope to be able to use that phrase to my husband again someday–hilarious!
I don't know whether I should be giddy or afraid to know that I said the EXACT same thing to my husband while pregnant.
I would even pause mid-sentence to look up on the internet exactly what it was I was making that day. I still remember that Week 10 is genitals… try to keep a straight face while telling your husband you are creating his future child's naughty-bits!! I dare you!!!
I'm LOLing
Hilarious! I was once told that a pregnant women exerts more energy sitting still than someone climbing a mountain. I used that one alot when pg. :-)
Love it! I am glad to hear someone else contemplate stabbing their husband with a knife! I find much solace in the fact that I am not alone! It is such an incredible thing that happens inside us and so difficult to explain!
Hah! I loved it. And that same sentiment totally applies after having a baby. Moms get down on themselves so easily, looking at lives of mundane routines that seem to just need to constantly be redone and forget that in that process we are working every day to produce healthy, kind, creative human beings.
omg, yes. i wish i could have quoted you 5 months ago.
I hope you don't mind that I used the ear canal quote as my facebook status. … this has been a rough pregnancy.
When I saw Jenny on Sat. and complained how tired I was at 39 weeks pregnant, she mentioned the "making ears" comment and I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. SO TRUE!
I am now the proud mom of my 3rd child, Jack! :)
I love that you must find a clean knife.
Because stabbing your husband with a dirty knife… Well, that's just wrong. XD